Published laughing jewelry

I am a published author. I am so excited about this! I have been writing in some form or another since second grade: diaries, journals, poetry, memoirs, short fiction. This is the first time I've ever had something really in print.

Where can you go to read my moving piece?

Shine! The literary magazine of the middle school where I teach.

Man, when I opened up the mag, I was so excited! I turned to the page, and there it was. In it's black and white glory. With my name on it and everything. I think I squealed.

What's fun about it is that some of my students have read it too. Wow! Actual people, reading my stuff. Well, if you consider middle schoolers to be people. Which I mostly do.



Funny from today. We were having too much immature fun in class today (Apollo has many duties [doodies][hee hee]) and one of the kids says "You are so immature!"

I answered "If you spent all day with middle schoolers, you'd be immature too!"

She replied "I DO!"

"And there you go."

Okay, looking at that makes it less funny. But if you could see the look on her face, it was all worth it. Right there.



In unrelated news, I think I am addicted to jewelry. I love it. I must have more. I went to another jewelry party tonight, and bought a bracelet, necklace, and ring. Must stop.

My dirty little secret

If I write it, it will be real. I told Shannon tonight, because I really just need someone to talk to. I have no one. I'm here, I'm all alone. I have no one to talk to. I told Shannon.

Hubs has been sleeping on the couch all week. Not because I made him. Because he doesn't come to bed because he's "not tired." Then he falls asleep. T

he one time I woke him up to come to bed, he tossed and turned for 45 minutes then went back and slept on the couch.

Every morning, I wake up to the living room light on. The TV on. Sometimes a kitchen light on. Sometimes the front door still unlocked.

I feel like my marriage is in trouble. He doesn't see it. He doesn't see that I am bothered by this. I'm scared to say anything to him, because I don't want to get into another fight.

He won't even be home tonight at all. He's off with the youth group on a Lock Out. Then he has to work the lunch shift at the restaurant. So he'll be home (maybe) to shower before 10, then not again until after 4. Then he'll sleep and sleep and sleep. Bet he'll sleep in the bed then.

Do we need counselling? I wouldn't even know where to look. Should I talk to my pastor again? He knows that Hubs and I are having issues. He keeps saying 'I've got to talk to him' but he hasn't yet. I don't know what to do. I'm so embarrassed.

Am I so repulsive that he can't stand to be in the same room as me? He hasn't tried to touch me in almost 2 weeks. He's never been like that! What is going on?

I cry on the way to work sometimes, I'm so depressed. What do I do?

Did Ya Miss Me?

I've been away for far too long. I have felt unhappy, lethargic, and downright nasty. It must be because I haven't been writing. Even if no one reads this, it makes me feel better. I write because I must. If I don't, I will shrivel up and die.

This is my out. This is my way to tell myself that everything can't be as bad as it seems. Even when it is just as bad as it seems. It's my way to let out the drama that is inside me.

This week has been rough. It's my own fault, really. I waited until the last minute to make my final exams. I waited until the night before it's due (tonight) to work on my paper for my class. Oops. I'm a procrastinator. I'll admit it. But my paper is good. And it's done. All I have to do is copy some extra stuff, and I'll be ready to go.

Exams start tomorrow. Tomorrow, the torture begins. They have to translate. It's not great on a good day, let alone when they are nervous. Then Friday is the grammar. Hee, hee, hee. I've been practicing my evil laugh. The tests are all multiple choice. I don't do that to be nice to the devils. I do that because I have very little time to grade these things, and m.c. is easy to grade. And I can get Hubs to help out. Even he can read the letters. Don't have to know Latin for that!

Tomorrow after school I have 3 places to be. 1) homebound instruction. Guess I'll have to call and cancel that. Maybe she can meet on Friday. 2) Class. So I can turn in my paper. We're supposed to be having dinner/appetizers. That sounds like way more fun than... 3) meeting. We have to talk about 8th grade graduation. And summer staff development. Fun.

I've started Weight Watchers. The first week I lost 3 pounds. This week, not so much. In fact, not at all. I've not been very good this week. It's got to be the stress. I can't lose weight when I've got all this stuff on my mind. (it just took me three tries to type m-i-n-d. Geez!) Must stop the stress. Must stop the stress.

Spring Break - Day 1

What a lovely start!

I got up at 5:30 this morning. Drove 2 hours to MUSC so that Cheeseman could get his rectum dialated. I did get to see him after he drank his "silly juice". He is a funny drunk. The doc says that his rectum looked exactly as he'd hoped it would. It's a bit looser, so we'll maybe only have one more procedure.

Once done, we headed home. We stopped at "old McDonalds" so that he could get the latest TMNT toy in his happy meal. Then he watched TMNT all the way home on the DVD. We stopped off at the bookstore (where Mommy used to work) to get him a treat for being such a brave boy. He picked out TWO new Spiderman 3 books. We also got a book for B-man and one for me. Daddy didn't get a book. He's a student, he has enough to read.

We played Candy Land once we got home. I haven't played that in AGES! He beat me the first game. But I won the second game. Then Cheeseman refused to play again. He's not used to losing. He doesn't like it. Must work on gracefully losing.

The whole family went out to dinner tonight at Hubs' place of business. It was ... well, it was. The boys wanted quarters for the game room, and Hubs watched all the Sportscenter on the TV. I wasn't really hungry, since I'd had the big McD's for lunch, and B-man ended up eating half my quesadilla anyway! It was nice to eat all together as a family, though.

A little girl smiled at B-man while he was running around. He came up to me and growled in his 2-year-old way, "She smile at me, Mommy!" Then he pointed at her and gave her his best scary "RRRRAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!" It was cute. Guess he is NOT interested in the opposite sex at all. Yay! I want my boys to stay little and innocent forever. I know it won't happen, but I can hope.

Watched Dancing with the Stars tonight. Loved Ian and Cheryl and Joey and Kym. Used up all my votes. I'm so glad Hubs lets me watch that on Mondays.

Easter Eve

It's the day before the celebration of the resurrection of Our Lord. Tomorrow, the celebration of Christ's rising from the dead. His triumph, for our sake, over death.

Today, another egg hunt.

We went to Zachary's house. I think we were just invited because I'm the only person who has boys. All the other little ones there were girls. That's beside the point. Zachary's mom teaches kindergarten with my sister, and will be Cheeseman's teacher in a couple of years. We hope.

We went over around 2:00. The boys all played together. Everyone shared. They have a nice, new house. Really nice. We could have fit our entire house into 3/4 of their downstairs. Sigh. Maybe someday. Anyway, about 45 minutes later, the kids finally got to "hunt" for eggs. They were mostly out in the open, so there wasn't much hunting going on.

Cheeseman and B-man both got LOTS of eggs. The girls were all going after the pink and purple eggs. My boys just picked up whatever they came across. Then they got sidetracked by the play area. It came complete with a lizard! They jumped a bit on the trampoline, but it was cold outside. So that didn't last too long. The parents couldn't stand being out in the cold any longer.

Such a change from last weekend, when we were all in shorts. Today, I had on jeans, a long sleeve tee, and a sweater. And I was still cold. Crazy. I'm not even sure I can wear my pretty new Easter dress tomorrow, because the high is only supposed to be in the mid-50s!

Hubs is at work. He worked last night too, so I got to watch the Devil Wears Prada. It was cute. Pretty predictable. But something I wouldn't have gotten to see if he'd been home. Now I'm out of movies though. I'll have Pirates of the Caribbean for next weekend though. Looking forward to that one! I've never seen the first one, just the second. I thought it was the first one while I was watching it, then Hubs informed me that it was actually the second one. I was like, why did you let me watch it then!? He shrugged and couldn't believe I hadn't seen the first one. What? When would I have had time to do that?

Well, gotta go stuff eggs for the morning. Have a Happy Easter! Praise the Lord!

Spring Break

My brother recommeds this movie. In fact, he has proclaimed to his fiancee that he is going to see it on opening night. I watched the trailer. Judge for yourself.

Spring Break begins today.

I have no plans.

Except to take Cheeseman to get a rod stuck up his ass. No, really. In order to get his rectum ready for the colostomy reversal, they have to dialate. The surgeon knocks him out, then sticks a rod up his butt. Lovely.

I got to see the actual rods. The ones they were sticking in my son's butt. I probably could have done without that.

Anyway, that's the most exciting thing I'm doing this spring break. Anyone else got better plans?

I'll be starting the end of school countdown soon. Yippee!

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

What an awesome day! Got the boys up and ready for church. They are so cute! I'll have to post pictures later. Anyway, Cheeseman sang in our Children's Choir this morning! Argh! And he even played a bell! I couldn't believe it. I thought for sure he would chicken out. He's not big on the whole performing thing. But he stood up there, in front of the whole congregation (about 200 people) and sang with about 12 other kids. He's the youngest in the group, but he did a great job. And he managed to make silly faces at Hubs and I. What a clown!

This afternoon we went to John and Shannon's house. Their neighborhood was having an Easter egg hunt, so they invited us to bring the boys. Cheeseman and B-man had a GREAT time! Cheeseman even found some eggs with money in them. What kind of Easter bunny do they have? I need some of that!

After the egg hunt, the kids got to play outside some more. There's a trampoline, which Cheeseman loves. B-man was partial to the ride-on mini-car things. They have one that looks like a jeep. Man, he did NOT want to get out of that thing. He is not a good driver however. He kept running into trees. I think he's not getting a license until he's about 30!

Cheeseman and B-man were driving along. They came to the pole of the swingset/fort thing. They decide to drive UP the pole. They managed to flip the jeep over. With them in it. I was watching it, and the world seemed to slow down. Like slo-mo. It was awful! Hubs ran over there and picked up the jeep. They were fine. They crawled away, as Hubs put it back down. Then B-man climbed back in, ready to go again! I nearly had a heart attack.

I am so glad that the boys are making such good friends. B-man, by the way, is betrothed. There's a little girl at church who has decided that she is going to marry him. She's 3. He's 2 and 1/2. I don't see it lasting. But, her daddy is some kind of doctor. He could do worse.

And we found out today that Cheeseman has another girlfriend. Shalee. He's already got Mrs. Julia (his nurse from the hospital last summer), Ms. Suzanne (a doctor assistant), Mrs. Johnson (a teacher at his school), and now Shalee! What can I say? He's a chick magnet! Please keep in mind that the youngest of these women (except Shalee, who's 4) is about 25. Well out of age range. And they are mostly married as well.

Cheeseman doesn't understand the whole girlfriend thing yet. So glad for that. He's only 4! He doesn't need to know. I'm impressed he can keep up with all of them at the same time though. Most boys have trouble keeping up with just one!

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ch-ch-ch-changes

I'm trying so hard not to think. When I think, I feel. And when I feel, I cry. It's like something has dropped out of me. Like my chest is hollow, but still full of something. Something big and heavy. And it hurts me.

What is giong on? Last night, he was in tears wondering if being a pastor iswhat he really wants to do. He hadn't been to classesin nearly a week. Skipping because he felt overwhelmed. Like he was too far behind and wouldn't ever be able to get caught up again. He didn't wantto tell me. He'd flat out lied to me about it the other day. I knew something was wrong, and I kept asking him and asking hem, but he said it was nothing. Turns out it was something.

It's the depression again, I'm almost sure ofit. He feelsdisconnected from the churhc. Disconnected from us, his family. Disconnected from God. We haven't been worshipping together in a few months because of his internship assignment. He's had to go somewhere else every week for church. It's been hard. On all of us. Even Cheeseman wants to know why Daddy isn't going to church with us.

The breakdown came last night. He told me right before we left for Holy Grounds. Said he hasn't been going to classes all week. He wonders if this is really what he is supposed to be doing. Wonders if maybe he should not do the MDiv for ordination. That's fine. As long as he finishes the semester. We've put so much into this. He was going to talk to his professors about getting caught up. He was going to talk to Pastor Kevin about his calling.

Instead, our DS (the local head pastor guy) calls this morning offerring a student pastorship of a church about an hour from our house. It comes with a parsonage. Hubs has an hour to decide. He calls me, and my first instinct is to say no. It's too far, I can't commute that far every morning at 6:30 to be at work on time. Hubs tells him it is just not feasible right now. I can't commute, can't quit my job, it's not gonna happen.

So the DS calls back later in the day and offers him a student pastorship of a church which (I think) is even farther away. In some town I've never even heard of, and I've lived in this area for 16 years now. He'll have to do services on Sundays, and be available Saturdays and for funerals and stuff. I told him to do whatever he wanted.

What a mistake.

He said yes.

Now, I have to leave my home church. My friends. My singing. The kids Sunday school classes and friends. And it makes me want to die inside.

I know that as a pastor's wife, this is my life. Every few years, some DS is going to call us up and say it's time to move on. But you're never really ready for it. And I thought I had a couple more years until it was time. That I could mentally prepare. Extract myself from stuff so it wouldn't be so bad.

Who was I kidding? I don't want to ever leave our church. That is our family! And I know, consciously that God is everywhere, and we will meet perfectly nice people somewhere else, maybe in that new church, but it doesn't make the hurt stop.

It would be different if we were picking up and leaving. Really moving. Then we wouldn't have to still see people. Still drive past the church. Still feel the emptiness. We could make a clean break. I didn't do so well with this the last time, when we went to that church in Camden. I still wanted to be with my old friends. And being with them made the not being there hurt that much worse.

What am I going to do?

I'm a Winner!

After much deliberation and background research, I made my choices. It was a well-thought-out game plan. I checked and double-checked my choices. Then, finally, I submitted my entry for the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament, Baxter Championship group.

Yeah, right.

My brother sent out an email to the family inviting us all to join a bracket pool. This was Tuesday during school. Tuesday after school, I spent about 5 minutes seeing who had the most wins. Or which school had a better mascot. Or which school I'd even heard of! And I submitted my brackets!

And I'm winning!

Will wonders never cease?

I must point out that I don't pay any attention to basketball season, except for my Duke Blue Devils for whom I have an unholy love. My brother, husband, brother-in-law, and father love the game and watch it a lot. It's ironic that I'm now beating them all. Hee hee hee!

Wonderings

I am sitting here at the computer, finished uploading Cheeseman's latest soccer pictures (2 goals!), and I grabbed a book that Hubs has sitting next to the bed. I had picked it up before and read just the first chapter, but I wasn't really paying attention. It was just surface reading, ya know. But I'm bored and not quite tired enough to go to sleep. So I'm reading this book, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, and it's "nonreligious thoughts on Christian spirituality." Which intrigues me, now that I'm paying attention to it. I want to know what that means, so now I'm paying attention.

I get to the third chapter, where he's talking about magic. And the elements of a story. It seems kind of unrelated like that, but it all ties together nicely when you read it.

So there's this quote: "I liked the idea of Jesus becoming man, so that we would be able to trust Him..."

Because we don't generally trust people that we don't know. Why would we want to believe in a god whom we could never see. One who just said - hey, come follow me! Worship me! Believe in me, because I will make you whole.

Seriously? Not gonna happen.

But instead, our God became man. He walked among us, doing good and healing others. Loving everyone regardless of who they were or what they had done. He came to us so that we could see Him, hear Him, touch Him, see what He is all about. He gave us a blueprint, a map of sorts, to follow so that we could be like Him.

What better way to help people believe than to come and live among us?

And what do we do? Are we loving others? Are we doing good? I know you can't earn your way to heaven, but we are supposed to strive to be more like Christ. By believing in Him, and trying to follow His example, it's supposed to make us want to do better. To want to BE better.

What have I done to be more like Christ?

Reading List

Cherrye over at My Bella Vita got this book meme from somewhere else. It just so happened that I had seen it elsewhere and was frantically trying to find it again, since I liked it but did not have time to do anything with it the first time. You know, not having any time to myself. So away we go!

Instructions: In the list of books below,
Bold the ones you’ve read
Italicize the ones you want to read
Mark in RED the ones you won’t touch with a ten-foot pole
Put a cross (+) in front of the ones on your book shelf
Mark an asterisk (*) beside the ones you’ve never heard of
1. +The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. +To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. *A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. +Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. +Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. +Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. *Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. +Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. +The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. *The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. +Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. +Bible (darn near all of it anyway)
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. *The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. +Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. *The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. *The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. *Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. +The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. *The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. *The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. *Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. *Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. *The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. *Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. *In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. +The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. *A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

Now, I did work in a bookstore for a few months, so I've heard of most of these books. I can even describe the titles of most of them. I'm pretty proud that I've read almost a third of these books. I don't know that they are all great literature, but most of the ones I read took me somewhere else. And isn't that what reading is all about?

And yes, I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan. I cannot wait until the final installment comes out: July 21 at 12:01 am.

Living Between the Trees

I went to Holy Grounds last week. It's our mid-week "worship" service at our church. There's coffee, tea, cookies, some music and a message. Often the message is a discussion. About how Christ fits into life today, and how we grow in our faith and show it day to day. It's really fun and inspiring. Definitely gives you a lift.

Last week, we had a small discussion then watched a short video. It was by a guy named Rob Bell. Check him out. He's got such a gift for teaching and living God's Word.

Anyway, he was talking about our role on earth. It started in Genesis, when God created man and woman. There was the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It ends in Revelation, where there is a Tree of Life. And we are here, living now, between the Trees.

He talked about not just being here, waiting for the end of our life so that we can get to the next. It's not about just being here, taking up space, waiting for the end. It's about working to make this world that we live in a better place. It's about making our world as much like the Kingdom as we can in the time we have. It's about helping others, planting trees, making disciples, making ourselves better.

It's not like we have to earn what we're getting, God has graciously given it to us. This whole big world, with all its niceties and craziness. What a gift!

What do you think? I know I haven't explained it very well. I wish I could find the DVD and see it again. Maybe I should ask Fred.

Visual DNA

Thanks to Cherrye over at My Bella Vita for showing this to me. If you want to know me, this is truly it!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

More sick...

If you are visiting from the Ultimate Blog Party, my party post is here. Otherwise, keep reading. Well, keep reading anyway.

Last week, Bennett was sick. He was sick Monday night, stayed home with Hubs on Tuesday. Was fine all day. And Wednesday. Got sick again Wed. night. Stayed home with Hubs on Thursday. Was fine all day. Ate lots and is all better.

Cheeseman got sick this morning. Thank God I was already at work. He had to stay home with Hubs today. Hubs missed classes. Oops. But I'm being the good little wifey and staying home tomorrow.

It is such a pain in the tush to get a sub for school! I had to make idiot-proof lesson plans, find my roll sheets, make copies, lock up all my personal stuff. Ugh! Just so that I can stay home with a sick baby.

Who is feeling fine and asking for ice cream, by the way. I say NO WAY!

My mom came and got Bennett for the evening. She took him out to her house to walk Chico (her new Chihuahua?) (how the hell do you spell that anyway?) Then to San Jose for dinner. Because if he gets the stomach bug again, I want to see Mexican food come back up. Geez!

Hubs is at the restaurant, waiting tables. Did I mention they've "trained" him to work the bar? It's all about the perfect head on a beer. And the correct amount of wine in a glass. That's all they sell as far as bar items. It took him THREE HOURS to train on Saturday. I could do that in 10 minutes! Oh, well. He was getting paid.

Anyway, my throat hurts, nose is stuffy, I'm coughing. I'm going to eat some Oreo ice cream to make it all better. I should probably do my Bible study while I'm at it. It's a Beth Moore study. If you haven't tried her, she is AWESOME!

3 Goals!!!

Cheeseman scored three goals! THREE GOALS!!! He was the star of the team!!! And the grin on his face.... OH MAN! I am one proud momma! He's such an awesome kid!!! I am talking and thinking in exclamations!! Yay Cheeseman!!

I'll post pics once I get them off the camera which is in the diaper bag which is with the in-laws who came to the game then took the kids for the afternoon.

As a side note, Hubs will soon be a bartender at local eatery where he's been waiting tables. Yes, a future pastor serving alcohol. Does anyone else find this funny? He wants to "contribute more" to the household. Such a guy!

First week of homebound went well. I made $80 in only 4 hours. And I tucked my babies into bed 6 nights in a row! Yippee!!!

edited: Check out my boy playing soccer!!

Photo and video editing at onetruemedia.com

Ultimate Blog Party

Welcome!

I'm not much of a partier anymore, but this seems like my kind of thing.

I can visit anyone's place, at any time.

I don't have to stay up till all hours of the night, but if I want to I can.

I don't have to clean up and worry about what other people will think of my place.

I don't have to get all dressed up.

I can meet new people!

These people will not judge me!

Yay!

This is perfect for shy folks like me. Thanks to Janice and Susan for being such gracious hosts of the Ultimate Blog Party.

I'm got wine, sliced cheese, and saltines. Sorry, I'll go to the store tomorrow and get better party fare. (This was kind of last minute!) Please sign the comments before you go!

And remember, friends don't let friends drive drunk!

Added 3/3: About me: I am wife to my Hubs who is a seminary student. Mom to Cheeseman (4) and Bennett (2). I teach Latin in middle school. I sing with our Praise Band at church. I love to read, write, and sing, not necessarily in that order. Right now, I'm on a my-son-scored-three-goals-in-his-soccer-game HIGH! I am so proud! Thanks for stopping by!

HE SCORES!

My Cheeseman played in his first soccer game this weekend. He scored a GOALLLLLLL! If you click the link on his name, you can watch his score. He was so excited. It's all he talked about all weekend. He's a natural. He gets it from me!

And so it is done...

The bookseller era. I did it. Today. I called and told Tom that I'm through. I just can't take the hours anymore. And not seeing the boys for three straight days. And being bone tired every day of the week. Never being able to catch up on my sleep. Not grading papers for a week.

Well, that will probably still continue.

When I told Josh last night, the first thing he did was offer me more money to stay. But I think he realized it was hopeless when I told him that I could cut my hours in half and still make enough doing homebound. I did tell Tom to keep me on the books for the summer. I'd hate to never be able to come back.

I still feel like a little part of me is dead. I really loved working at that bookstore. I liked working with all those weird people. People who are smart and funny and not afraid to be different. It was such a melting pot. Do you know, in all the jobs I've had, all the places I've worked, I've never before worked in an environment where I truly liked all the people I've worked with. Just there.

I will truly miss being there. Thank you, bookstore. For everything.

Ramblings of a Tired Mom

They don't tell you it's going to be like this. This constant frustration. The compelling need to hit someone, something. Like you're going to explode if you don't get it out. No one talks about this.

How sometimes, you just want to scream. Or run away. Somewhere the little demons can't find you. You get so fed up.

You lock yourself in your room with the lights off. You can hear them in the other room, playing. Hitting each other. You hear one scream, but then it stops. He's okay. You hear banging, but figure if they aren't screaming it's okay.

You just can't take it.

How long can I go on like this? Working three days a week after school until 10 pm. Then getting up at 5 am the next morning and teaching all day. Something's gotta give.

I've been looking at doing homebound instruction. You know, helping kids who can't - for whatever reason - make it to school each day. We are bound, by law, to provide services for them. It pays $20 an hour. Which is almost 3 times what I make at the bookstore. Which means I could do this 6 hours total a week and make what I'm working my ass off for now. It makes sense. Why would I not do this?

Because I love being at the store. I really like the people I'm working with. And I'm scared I won't know enough. What if I have to instruct some kid in Calculus? Chemistry? Physics? French? I don't know that stuff. I would be worthless. At the bookstore, I'm never worthless. I know most of the answers. I'm hot stuff there. I'm the one they turn to when they need their card percentages up. Stick me on a register and let me go.

Why can't I give it up?

And now I'm home. The demons are finally in bed. I'm drinking wine. It tastes good. I need to relax. I'd take a bath, but I'm afraid I'll fall asleep. Maybe I'll just read. From the large stack of books next to the bed. I do work at a bookstore you know.