Good Week

I discovered this week that I am incredibly competitive. And proud.

Okay, so that's a lie. I already knew both of those things. I've been competitive since I was a little girl. I would compete with my little sister over anything. Really. It was kind of sad. Even our Barbies would compete for the Ken doll. As I got older, I noticed it more. My parents didn't exactly discourage this trait. If anything, they pushed more. Always get A's. Be the best. Why isn't that a 100%?

I will say, though, that at some point I took over the little voices in my head that were telling me to work harder. My best friend, Michelle, said that I was the one always pushing myself. I guess it was so ingrained by the time I hit high school, that I didn't know any other way to be.

But back to modern times, not 20 years ago (OMG! Almost 20 years!!), I am now coaching the girls soccer team at the school where I teach. And I have found that my competitive nature is alive and well. I don't want to just win the game. I want to crush the other team. When we played a tough team on Monday, my stomach was in knots the whole day. What if we lost?

Of course, I know it's just middle school soccer. In the grand scheme of things, it's okay to lose a game. And it's my first year as coach, so no one is expecting perfection. Except me. I'm expecting perfection.

So now I have a dilemma. How do I convey this this desire to win to my girls? But without putting too much pressure on them?

I seem to be doing okay so far. They are playing hard and well. They are working together, and I haven't heard any bad comments from parents. So I guess that's good.

But oh, the pride! We are currently ranked in 1st place. I want to tell everyone. I want the principal to get on the announcements and tell the school. I want to write it on the windows of my van! But I need to tone it down. I know that pride is bad, that it will inevitably lead to a loss. But I can't help it! I want them to continue to win. I want to continue to be #1 because it feels SO GOOD!

Sense of Wonder

Sometimes, when D-man is crawling around the living room, I just can't believe he's mine. He is so happy, so content. He is the smiliest baby I've ever seen. I hope he stays happy,n and thatblife doesn't steal his joy.

He's crawling now. All over! Sometimes he won't wander very far. He likes to stay near mommy. Other times, especially when his brothers are around, he'll wander down the hall. He wants to find the big boys and play! He has 3 teeth fully out. There's one tooth that wants to poke through, but it hasn't yet. He pulls up on everything and everyone. I can't believe he's so big. And that he's mine. I can't quite wrap my mind around the fact that God has given this sweet angel to Hubby and I to take care of and raise. He is such a blessing!

Where Do I Go?

Dear Pastor,
I was able to overlook the first incident. When you told W what he couldn't wear to church as the lay leder. After all, what difference do the clothes make anyway? W says it's not a huge deal to him, so I accept it.

The second was a bit harder. When T took the reigns on finding a new FM coordinator, putting her own address and email on the forms, submitting them only God knows where, and "pre-screening" candidates. I was pretty upset when you told W to back off and stop irritating T. What she was doing was wrong, period. Against the spirit of the way the church committee was supposed to work. What's the point of having a committee, if you're just going to let one person do whatever s/he wants? At that point, I was willing, even wanting, to walk away. But I've been coming still, hoping things would be better. Hoping to respect you again.

Today, though, I'm done. When you take away my right, my obligation, to celebrate the Eucharist every Sunday, I am done. In your EMAIL, you said that there's no directive as to frequency in either the Bible or the Book of Discipline. Even if that is so, the history of this particular church is having Communion every week. We celebrate Christ's last supper because we are exhorted to as often as we can, whenever we're together. It is in the Bible.

You want to replace this part of church with an altar call. Really? This is NOT a tradition of this church. I'm not opposed to new things, but I don't see why you'd have to take out something so meaningful for something else. Couldn't you do it, as W suggested when we talked, during the last song? Or after the service?

So, you see, I'm fed up. I cannot worship in a place I don't recognize anymore. In a place that seems to be turning into something I don't like. I can't listen to someone who wants to change special things that should be left alone. Someone I don't respect.

I hope it goes well for you, Pastor. I hope this change brings about whatever you are trying to accomplish. I won't be there to find out.

Sincerely,
Me

Mad Crazy or Crazy Mad?

My best friend, W, is the lay leader at our church. If you are unfamiliar with this "job", let me explain. The lay leader is chosen by the church to assist the pastor with various duties on Sunday mornings. At our church, this includes praying for the congregation, helping with communion, and closing prayer. W also has other duties outside of Sunday mornings, like coordinating readers and assigning more communion help. He is also a member of every single committee of the church. He is the voice of the congregation to the pastor. This is NOT a paid position.

Last week, Pastor called W to a meeting. One of the things they discussed was W's attire on a Sunday morning. Some Sundays, he wears khakis and a button-down shirt or polo. Other Sundays, he wears jeans, but always with a dressy-ish shirt. Apparently, this is unacceptable. People have complained about the way he dresses. Not about his prayers, his attitude, but his CLOTHES.

W has been attending this church for over 10 years. He has always dressed this way. No one ever had a problem with this, until the past few months.

I don't understand. Did Jesus wear a suit and tie to the synagogue every week? I'm sure he didn't go unclean, as that would have violated sacred laws. But W isn't coming to church dirty. His jeans don't have holes in them. He is always dressed well.

Outside of our church, next to the road, there is a sign inviting people to "Come as you are...REALLY!" No, it really says that. Clearly, that doesn't mean much to these small-minded so-called Christians.

Trying Again

It's been a long day. I mean, I was given the standard 24 hours like everyone else. It has FELT like a long day. My 2 older sons have been at each other all day. My husband was out of town for business. That is not unusual; he travels every day. But he's not coming home until tomorrow, so it made him feel even more absent if that makes any sense.

And I was thinking, why? Why did I feel more overwhelmed than usual today? All summer long, it's been me at home with two unruly boys and one baby. Every day. Twenty-four hours a day. Seven days a week. For eight straight weeks. Wow. I love my kids. They are the best gift God has given me. But they are truly lucky to still be alive.

But I can see how that could lead to a feeling of being under a large pile of bricks.

I have dreamed in the past of being a stay at home mom. I have done it before, these past eight summers since having our first child. It seemed so lovely!

Now, I know my limitations. I'm good for about five weeks, if there are planned activities. After that, all bets are off. Especially when there is no "mommy time." Who knew how precious those work days were? When I just got to be the teacher, and didn't have to be on the job the ENTIRE day? Where kids actually listen, and don't spit on each other? Where I don't have to clean up the mess, do the laundry, and supervise bedtime? (Though I would love to add naptime to the school day!) Even just getting out for two hours of shopping feels like a vacation!

I have a whole new respect for mom's who work IN the home. Hats off! Because I certainly couldn't do it. But I will bravely try again next summer. And the next. And the next. Until the last son, who is 14 weeks old, finally goes off to college. Perhaps by then I'll have it figured out.

Welcome Home?

I looked at my poor, neglected blog today at the request of my step-mom. It's been over a year since I've been on here. Wow. Who knew my life had gotten so busy that I couldn't write anymore. But who needs a blog when you update your Facebook status all day, and tweet your random thoughts to the world?

Turns out I do.

So today, I can already tell, is going to be one of those days. I'm having a lady-fun week. I'm completely exhausted from getting up in the middle of the night to pump (moms understand). And the high today is going to be 96.

And the new baby is waking up. Perhaps I'll get to finish whining later. If I can find the time. Sigh.

slow weekend

I feel like I got some time off. We didn't have anything major going on this weekend, so it was almost like having a vacation. Saturday, I actually got all the laundry done with daylight left to burn. In the morning, Cheese let us sleep in until 7:00! Then the boys watched Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Squeekwul. B-rex had t-ball practice that morning, but my sweet husband took care of that so I could work in the house. I got to go to Zumba, which is always fun!

The rest of the day was lazy. The boys played outside with their friend from across the street. Weston and I had a movie night at home. Rented Couples Retreat. Funny! I recommend it for laughs. We have discovered the Redbox method of renting movies. Only $1 per night. Because how many nights in a row are you really going to watch a movie? It's perfect for us.

Today, we had church in the morning. The boys had a friend come over afterwards, so they were out of our hair. Weston and I both got to go for a run this afternoon. Then the boys had UP! (church for kids) this evening. Weston volunteered with the youth, and I got to shop a bit.

Overall, great weekend. Top 10 for sure!

vacation boredom

you've all been on vacation. The first couple of days are like a honeymoon. Everything is exciting and new! You are enjoying the kids for the first time in ages. Then, about day four, reality sets in. You've done all the cool stuff, and you're stuck watching cartoons.

This feeling is amplified when you are visiting family during your vacation. Of course you don't expect them to take off the whole time you're there. After all, they do have to earn a living, and it's not like they want to waste all their vacation time on you. I am there. We spent the last couple of days exploring the Prattville area. Now, the grandparents have returned to work, and I don't know my way around town. So we're sitting here at their house watching cartoons. Which we could be doing at our house.

How do we beat the vacation blues? How do I entertain the kids the rest of the day today and ALL day tomorrow? Please give mesome ideas!!

And when I'm bored, I tend to snack. Not good!

Lazy Day

I am sitting outside, enjoying the quiet and warmth of an Alabama morning. I love porch-type swings. So peaceful. The boys are being nice to each other. I can hear birds singing. It's not too warm yet, though the heat is surely coming.

B-rex is hitting plastic golf balls off of a tee. I can't tell if he has no skills, or if the club is too big for him. Probably a bit of both. The boys have been practicing their golf swing. They managed to break the kid-sized clubs last time we were here. (There's nothing my boys can't break!) Now they're making due with Grandpa's clubs. Some sort of wedge, maybe? I don't know anything about golf.

I am reminded of other quiet times. Times B.C. = before children. When I could enjoy being outside without the threat of a ball/bat/club coming at my head. Now, my silence is interrupted by "Mom! I can't find my shoes!" I didn't take them off. Why would I have any idea where they are? And yet the search must be undertaken, because I am the mommy. That's my job. So much for quiet and rest!

spring vacation

So this morning started my official vacation. I woke up early, so we could get an early start. No such luck. Between the snuggling and last-minute packing, we didn't leave until 9.

The boys did a great job in the car. They were almost completely silent for the first hour. Cheese put his MP3 player on, and that was pretty much the last I heard from him. B-rex spent most of the trip playing with his new, giant plastic spider. I can't imagine who would have let him buy something like that. (hint: it was me)

I can't believe they were so well-behaved! When we drive the 3 miles to church, they fight. When we drive the 10 minutes to BiLo, they fight. Even on the 3 minute drive to Publix! Nothing but shouting and hitting. But a 7-hour drive? No problem! Who knew?

I'll keep you updated. B-rex already has a splinter, and I had to buy a new dress. I can't believe I forgot my Easter dress!

no longer At the Jiffy Lube

So we made it through the 15 minute oil change with not too much badness. The boys have been surprisingly well-behaved today. Through 2 grocery stores, 2 Walgreens, Target, and Jiffy Lube. I did (shamelessly) bribe them a bit, but don't judge. Now, Cheese is enjoying his mp3 player on too loud, and B-rex is watching a movie. I may order a pizza, because I am beat.

Crap. I just realized that I forgot to pick up my prescription again. And to take the boys to the library. And there was something else, but now I've quite forgotten what that was. Why does it seem like there is never enough time to get things done?

I did finish another James Rollins book, Altar of Eden. Excellent! See, we DO need to go to the library. Damn!

Snowy, snowy night

So, it's the most snowfall in SC since 1973. That's before I was born! But did it stop us from going outside to enjoy the beauty? No way! I'm glad that I got to spend the time with Cheese and B-rex. They loved it! Today, not so much. That's okay.

It started snowing around 4:00 PM, as we were leaving Food Lion. I know, I know. Who goes to the grocery store in SC when there's talk of snow? There were long lines, but people were nice.

When we got home, Cheese wanted to play outside, so I bundled them up! Don't they look adorable!?!

This is the boys making snowballs. It was about 5:30 PM. They were practicing so that they could have a snowball fight when their dad got home.

This is what it looked like outside this morning. There's about 5-6 inches out there. Wow! I felt like a little girl again, back in Illinois!

Compare this shot to the one at the beginning. Wow!

If you use your imagination, and look really closely, you can see Hubs' snow angel. It will have to do!I hope to take some more pictures later. And Hubs has some on his camera as well. Yay, Snow Day! (Of course, it had to be a Saturday, and not a school day...)

Life improvements

Things are not so bad here now. I have been in contact with a debt consolidation company, who is helping us to get out of the deep hole. Also, we had an unexpected help from my sweet, wonderful in-laws. (Who also bought us dinner one night!) Thanks!! For the help, and for my husband! So, I am not as stressed out about $$ as I was before. It feels nice. I'm still watching our accounts closely - don't think that I've gone crazy shopping or something. I'm just not contemplating robbing a bank anymore.

I went back to work offically today. We had in-service this morning. For those not in the school world, an in-service is when we get taught "new" things. We learned about bullying, inquiry (Good job Dana!), writing across the curriculum, and the differences between the sexes. Like we needed an in-service in that! I'm married, for goodness sake. I totally get that boys and girls (or men and women) are different. Also, I'm writing my Masters thesis on that, so I had been over all the research and such already. That's okay. Nancy and Kyle still did a good job.

Also, this afternoon, I got to sit down with a reporter from WLTX. I've been part of the beta group on a new website: SC Teacher Village. It's a social network, like FB, for teachers. A group of us has been using the site all summer, getting the "bugs" out. It is supposed to roll out this fall sometime. Anyway, one of the reporters came out to the STate Department and interviewed some folks. One of whom was ME!! So, I'm going to be watching the news tonight, instead of the Disney channel. I'm quite excited! As soon as I get a link to the story online, I'll share. I'd like everyone to be able to see my tv debut!

So, I'm going to go read some more of my book, Second Helpings by Megan McCafferty. I'd like to finish it sometime today...

What I wouldn't give...

...to have some money. I would sell my soul. I just don't understand how this keeps happening. It seems like we just can't get it together. The bills are piling up. The money just isn't there. If only we were a charitable cause, and people could just send us checks and keep us afloat.

I'm sad today. We are flat as a pancake broke. Again. Shit.

Long time!!

So, I haven't been updating this blog like I should. I don't think I even realized that I still had this! I've been so caught up in school and work, that I haven't had a spare moment to think about anything else.

This summer, which is what this blog is all about, is a lazy one compared to last year. I'm not traveling at all. Well, maybe to the in-laws lake house on Hartwell, but nowhere else. There's no trip to Italy. No trip to Mexico. No trip anywhere! I feel strange being home all the time, but I'm managing to keep busy.

B-rex was enrolled in a summer speech camp. The camp used masters candidates from USC to work with the kids on their speech. B-rex had a good time. It was funny, though, because he resisted me every day. "I don't want to go to speech camp!" But once he got there, he was fine. In fact, most days he ran over to Miss Julie and gave her a hug! He got to make a craft every day, just like at school. Some days, he went to daycare in the morning. But most days he just stayed home with me and Cheese.

Cheese has had a boring summer. I feel kind of bad about that. But we've been scheduling our lives around speech camp! And it was in the middle of the afternoon, which really cut into fun time. We have gone swimming with my sis and Mad-dog, but not as much as he would like. He also begs every day to go over to the Ryan's house. I just can't seem to explain to him that you can't just invite yourself over to someone's house! That's rude!

As for me, I'm taking my usual Wednesday class. Right now, it's professional leadership. I also have 2 electives to take this summer. One this week, one next week. I'll be done with grad school in September! Only 13 more weeks!

I'll try to keep this more updated, in case anyone actually reads it. I'm not doing anything but class this week, though. And the boys are in Alabama with Grandpa and Gigi! Vacation for me!!!

Lemons

Okay, so I know that the cars were used when we bought them. I understand that they are not perfect and new. No problem. But I expect that they will last more than 4 months after buying. Such frustration!!

Weston couldn't get his car to start this morning. It was early, he was leaving for church. He said that it sometimes has trouble getting going when it's cold. No problem. So he took my car instead. At 9:30, I went out to try again, so the boys and I could go to Sunday School. Nothing. I went out again at 10:30. Nothing. So, no church for the 2nd week in a row.

Tomorrow, the plan is for us to get the kids up extra-early so that they can all drive me to work. Luckily, I don't have morning duty this week, so I don't have to be there until 7:20. BUT, I do have class tomorrow afternoon. Starting at 4:00. It is NOT at my school. Hmmm. What to do? Guess I'll hitch a ride or walk or something.

What could be wrong with the Santa Fe? I have no idea. I just hope it can be fixed. Soon. Cheaply. Otherwise, we are in trouble!

In other news, I really enjoyed the Phineas and Ferb marathon on ToonDisney. That is my new favorite show. Other than Grey's, House, Dancing with the Stars, Criminal Minds, and Numb3rs. But for a kids' show, P & F is really catchy. They had a marathon all weekend. So it's been on constantly! But I think I have now officially seen every single episode of it. I hope they make some new ones soon!

TGIF!

There are some days when you just cannot even fathom that you have to be awake. Today was one of those days for me. I just feel so drained! There are a lot of days that I'm tired. It's just the nature of what I do for a living. I teach. I give of myself every day to these kids. It can be very draining. And I'm tired most every day. Not that I'm complaining, okay, well a little. But today it just seemed even worse. Those last couple of classes are so hard. The information is harder to process, and the kids are a little more obnoxious. A lot more, actually.

So I got a visit after school, while I was still pretty tired and just wanted to go home, from two of my former students. Sweet girls, now sophomores in high school. It was really reaffirming to talk to them. They are 3rd year language students now, and actually like it. It makes me feel like all the headaches I endured were worth it. If even two kids "got it" and stuck with it, then it's all worth it. Right?

I just get so frustrated. My final class is very disrespectful. I was talking to another teacher yesterday, and I just could not even fathom their behavior. When I was in 8th grade, I would never have acted the way they do in my class. I would certainly not have turned around in my seat, when my teacher was clearly trying to give me instructions for homework, and talked to the person behind me. Multiple times. Utterly ridiculous. I would have shut the heck up and been done with it.

Enough! It is late. I am tired. Psych is on. Adios!

Been Missing?

Wow! I don't think I realized that I've been gone so long. I'm all into that Facebook thing now, so I've been neglecting my blog! Oops! I also have just plain been busy. But I want to do this, this writing thing. I remember that I love to write, so I need to take some time for me and do it!

Cheese is doing so great! The doc has lowered his status to just coming in every three months. It is truly a blessing from God. There has been the occasional accident, but overall he's been doing really well. If only his behavior in school was that good. We've been getting notes from his teacher about his bad behavior. Well, not really BAD, exactly, just moderately disruptive. He's a "natural leader" who is not using his power for good. We've threatened him with taking away his toys, but that doesn't seem to be helping much. I even offered to buy him a toy at the end of the month, if he will just be good! I know that we're not supposed to do that, bribing him, but we really don't know what else to do.

B-rex had a big fall. He's been in speech classes again, and those are going so well. He's talking up a storm now! Once we got Cheese all squared away physically, we decided to focus on B-rex. So in December, he had his tonsils and adenoids removed. It was a fun week with him. So pitiful all the time: "My fwoat huwts, Mommy." Broke my heart. We knew it was bad when he actually asked for his Tylenol with codeine. The good news is: he's fully recovered! And now that he doesn't snore anymore, he's sleeping much better. AND, the boy has finally gotten an appetite. He's like a bottomless pit now! Sheesh!

I started my Masters program last summer, at the end of July. So far, I'm 3 classes in, and it is going really well. I have a 4.0 in two classes, and a 3.96 overall. So proud of myself. I'm feeling pretty darn smart. Praise God!

Hubs is doing well. Well, okay. We're working through some stuff.

I'll try to keep this updated. Really. Just not during Grey's Anatomy. Tootles!

Normal?

Well, Cheese had his surgery last week. It's been 7 days, and he's doing great! The surgery was Friday. He was up and moving on Saturday. Started clear liquids on Sunday. Solid food on Monday. Home on Tuesday!

He's been pooping like a champ as well! He has not had an accident yet. And he can feel when he has to go, which is also good. We have been praying so hard for this. So many people, in so many places. It seems like God is really granting the prayers this time. We've been here before, though, so I'm trying not to get too excited. Twice before, we've thought that everything was okay. Then something went wrong, and the colostomy had to come back.

But it feels so different this time. I hope it is different this time.

Good morning!

Here we are, back in the hospital. So far, so good. Cheese had the surgery on Friday, and the doc said it all looked good.

Well, the nurse came in this morning and removed the gauze from Cheese's bottom. That's good. Now if he would just pass some gas. Once he does that, he will be allowed to have some liquids, then maybe some actual food! I know he would be glad for that. He's been a real trooper today. They just came in and weighed him: 41.5 pounds. That means he's lost 3.5 pounds since last week. Could it have something to do with the fact that he hasn't eaten real food since last Wednesday?

I finished (sort of) one of my papers last night! On my teaching philosophy. I still need to clean it up, and write my conclusion. But it's the right number of words, and just long enough. Yay! One down, two more to go. One is a reflection paper: Teaching is like... Hmmm... torture? J/K! I was thinking about doing a poster or a PPT instead of writing something. If I write, it has to be 500-700 words. If I do the other, there is no requirement. I hate this stuff.

Now, my bestest little sister is on her way over with some Zaxbys for me. She's awesome!