It's been a long day. I mean, I was given the standard 24 hours like everyone else. It has FELT like a long day. My 2 older sons have been at each other all day. My husband was out of town for business. That is not unusual; he travels every day. But he's not coming home until tomorrow, so it made him feel even more absent if that makes any sense.
And I was thinking, why? Why did I feel more overwhelmed than usual today? All summer long, it's been me at home with two unruly boys and one baby. Every day. Twenty-four hours a day. Seven days a week. For eight straight weeks. Wow. I love my kids. They are the best gift God has given me. But they are truly lucky to still be alive.
But I can see how that could lead to a feeling of being under a large pile of bricks.
I have dreamed in the past of being a stay at home mom. I have done it before, these past eight summers since having our first child. It seemed so lovely!
Now, I know my limitations. I'm good for about five weeks, if there are planned activities. After that, all bets are off. Especially when there is no "mommy time." Who knew how precious those work days were? When I just got to be the teacher, and didn't have to be on the job the ENTIRE day? Where kids actually listen, and don't spit on each other? Where I don't have to clean up the mess, do the laundry, and supervise bedtime? (Though I would love to add naptime to the school day!) Even just getting out for two hours of shopping feels like a vacation!
I have a whole new respect for mom's who work IN the home. Hats off! Because I certainly couldn't do it. But I will bravely try again next summer. And the next. And the next. Until the last son, who is 14 weeks old, finally goes off to college. Perhaps by then I'll have it figured out.