Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Overwhlemed

I feel like I've been running around in circles for the past few days. School has been terrible. Home life has seemed nonexistent. I have been completely foul.

I'm not sure what is going on. I'm frustrated by school. I'm "teaching" this online Latin course, and it is taking up oodles of my time. Yes, I'm being compensated a bit ($100 per student), but I am not going to see that money till the end of the semester. And it occurred to me on the way home tonight that I'm really doing all this work, which is the work of a full-time teacher, for free right now. And even when I do get paid for it, it's a measly $100 per student. For an entire semester's worth of work. And yes, the online course is already made, but it is not up to par. I have to move stuff around, add my own notes and powerpoints, grade the online assignments, give extra assignments, come up with projects, and grade all of it. For a measly $100 per kid! I think I will be talking to our contact at the D.O. tomorrow. This is ridiculous!

And things at home are not great. We are still broke. I thought it would be better once Hubs got a job. But we still can't make ends meet. I'm going to have him begging for money again tomorrow, because we don't get paid till next week. And I still haven't paid the car insurance, or my student loans. And his student loans are overdue by a couple of months. And most of our bills are being paid late, which is messing up our credit even further. And I don't know what else to do! I can't see where the problem is!

And Cheese is getting ready to have surgery again. The colostomy reversal is set for Oct. 1. Which means Hubs won't be working at all that week. And I'll have to take off the next week when he's at Duke for continuing ed stuff. Cheese will not be ready yet to go back to school I think. We still have to talk to the school to see if Cheese will be able to stay in his preschool program, since one of the requirements is that he be fully potty trained. And once they reconnect everything "down there", he will not have full bowel control for a while. Possibly up to a year, or maybe not ever really.

Can you say stress?

And tomorrow morning, B-rex has an appointment for evaluation by the school district's speech therapy people. At least that's free.

I just feel like I'm in a free fall. I have no idea where the bottom is, but I don't want to know, because it's going to hurt when I hit. I don't know how much longer Hubs and I can make it like this, with all the money stuff. I know I'm supposed to give it all over to God, and He will provide. And I'm trying, really I am. But it's so hard. And it doesn't really help me sleep at night. My doc said she'd give me a prescription for that (sleeping), but I can't afford to fill it anyway. What are we going to do?

The good news is, I've lost 33 pounds through Weight Watchers now. Still some more to go, but this feels nice. On the down side, most of my clothes are not fitting anymore. I can't afford to buy new ones, so I'm trying to belt them up. Sometimes it works, sometimes it looks stupid. Oh, well.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

What Animal Are You?

Thanks to Nikki for this. Are you freaking kidding me?

You Were a Porcupine

You have created your own path in life, and you encourage others to do the same.
Even as life progresses, you always maintain a sense of wonder and innocence.
Who thinks up this crap?
Well, I do agree with the following, it's my favorite kind:

You Are a Chocolate Cake

Fun, comforting, and friendly.
You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality.
People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.

New appreciations

Hubs has finally come upon a new appreciation of my total exhaustion during the winter months. When I was working at the bookstore while holding down a full-time job and raising two children and taking care of the house and clothing. He started working at my old bookstore. I had to quit when school started back. He has closed 2 nights in a row now, and has not gotten home before midnight.

He said that he napped all morning today, after a particularly busy evening. I didn't want to say anything, for fear of starting a fight, but REALLY! When I was working there, I had to get up at 5 in the morning so that I could get to teaching school on time. In the dead of winter. And I still picked the kids up from school. I would come home long enough to grab a sandwich or something, then head to work. I didn't get a nap. Ever.

I'm glad he finally understands that it was hard on me. Well, he's beginning to understand. I don't think he will ever truly appreciate the difficulty. Just goes to show, women are much stronger than men in the ways that count.

In other news, B-rex is pooping in the potty occasionally. All the moms out there know what a big deal that is! Yay!!!

And Cheese is like a different kid at school this year. He's been an absolute angel. No bad reports at all! His partner in crime/best friend from last year is now in kindergarten. Spreading havoc wherever he goes. At least he is not corrupting my sweet angel baby anymore.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Just a Moment

I don't have much time, as the children are in the tub. I know, a good mom would never leave her children alone in a tub of water. But really, they'll be okay for a few minutes.

I have had a crazy time this past month. It seems like it's been just one thing after another. There have been many times when I've sat at the computer checking email, and I think 'I really need to update my blog.' But I can't bring myself to do it. There has been so much in my head, I don't know where to start sometimes. So I'm going to start over from today.

9 days till Cheese turns 5. I can't believe I am the mother of a 5 year old. It boggles the mind. And B-rex will be 3 in just over a month. Where does the time go?

Saturday, September 01, 2007

OMG

Oh MY God! App State beat Michigan! I am in shock. Check out the story here, on ESPN. They will be completely insufferable on Oct. 27 when they come to G'ville.

Go FU!!

FU one time!
FU two times!
FU three times!
FU all the time!!!!

College football has officially begun! I love football!!!!!!!!!