Parenting Fail?

Today, I got the phone call that every parent dreads. The call from the teacher.
What had my little angel done? Was this a praise?

Um, no.

My middle son, B-rex, had gotten into a fight at school. As he put it, "a silly situation got away from (me)." He was trying to grab a necklace that a friend had on. And he ended up shoving, getting shoved, and "doing a belly-flop on" the other boy. Till he finally bit the other boy.

What?????!

Biting? What is he? Three?

Nope. He's nine.

Where did I go wrong? Did I not spank him enough as a toddler? Have I not set the right limits? He doesn't watch fighting. He doesn't have video games. He and his older brother fight, but that's normal for boys. Right?

And what now? We (my hubby and I) have decided that he's going to miss his Boy Scout camp out this weekend. Because he loves Boy Scouts and this will hurt.

Except now he's running around the house, playing with his 2-year-old brother.

Now what??? How do we correct this? How do you teach your son that it is NOT okay to invade someone's personal space?

I'm lost.

A Mother's Heart

Today, my heart is hurting. I have been praying for the town of Newtown, CT, since I first heard the terrible news this morning. A gunman. In an elementary school. Children dead.

I cannot even begin to fathom the pain of those parents, grandparents, and friends. I only know that as a mom, this is a nightmare. This is the dream that you have over and over, that you've lost your little one.

When I saw the news today (thanks, Twitter), my heartbeat doubled up. I live in South Carolina. Connecticut is far away. I'm not even sure how many states lie between CT and SC. Really. Geography is not my thing.

I knew, intellectually, that my children were safe at their school. My heart, though, was fearful. Because if it could happen there, what is keeping it from happening here? What makes their school so different from Sandy Hook?

The answer? Nothing.

And that's what made me hug my boys as I picked them up from school today, when they first climbed in. My 10-year-old cringed and pulled away. My 8-year-old hugged back, because he's not to the embarrassed stage yet. In my heart, and even in my head, I knew that it could so easily be them.

My boys are what I like to call high spirited. They play hard, they fight hard. And they have been fighting hard since they got home. I don't want to yell at them. Not today, when so many other mother's would give ANYTHING to be able to yell, just one more time, at their own little ones.

Since then, I have been crying, imagining what those mom's in Newtown must be feeling. The giant hole in their hearts that can never be filled. The missing sound of their little one's laughter. The empty bed, the empty booster seat in the car, the empty spot at the table. Nothing, for them, will ever be the same.

From one mom, to the moms of Newtown, CT, I pray for you. My heart goes out to you. You will never know me. But I grieve with you and for you. May God be with you.

May God be with all of us. 

Doin' It All

Scene: Playing with the baby in his room. He was trying to climb onto his scooter toy, while holding a book and reaching for a ball.
B-rex: Why can't he get up there?
Me (shaking head):  D-man hasn't learned that you can't do it all.

Wow. Profound.

At thirty-seven, I'm not sure I've learned that you can't do it all. I think back to this spring:

• Lil' C was playing travel soccer. Practiced every Tues/Thurs evening and had games out of town on most weekends. 
• B-rex was playing rec soccer. Practiced every Mon evening and had games in town on Saturday mornings. 
• I had an infant. Who couldn't walk for most of this time span and was still eating baby food that I made.

That would seem to any sane person to be enough going on.

Not me. I decided that coaching the middle school girls soccer team would make my life perfect. That meant practice every day after school until 4:00. Games on Mon/Wed after school. When the parents were on time to pick up their daughters after practice (HA!), I had an hour and 30 minutes to pick up all three kids, get them home, fed, changed, and back out the door to practice.

My life was insane. Completely, bat guano, insane. And I did this for just over 3 months.

I was ragged. Tired all the time. Eating fast food because there was no time to cook. Irritable as all hell. Occasionally, I would ask my mom to pick up and take to practice. And Weston would meet me at one of the boys practices (usually Lil C's) and take over so that I could go home to deal with the baby.

When will I learn that you can't do it all? Seems like never.

Have you learned that you can't do it all? What's your secret?

The Sound of Silence

Ahhh, bliss!

What do I hear?

Nothing.

Well, just the air conditioner.

I'm in a hotel. By myself. Yeah, that's right. No kids. :)  No husband. :(

I'm going to a conference for a few days. For work. And they're putting me up at a hotel. My own room! With two beds! I can bed hop from night to night!

But it's so quiet. There's no TV going. There's no whispering in another room. There's no sound of snuffling and snoring through a baby monitor.

What? I'm what? Lonely?

But I've been looking forward to enjoying some quiet time! (Imagine this in a whiny voice.) With three boys at home, don't I deserve to enjoy some peace and quiet?!

Don't you hate it when you look forward to something for a while, then the reality falls short of what you were imagining? Like at Christmas, after you saw Santa. You'd given him your list, and you just knew that he was going to finally bring that Barbie Dream House. Then on Christmas morning - no Barbie Dream House. "Guess Santa ran out of those!"

Whatever, Mom and Dad.

Why am I not enjoying this lovely, quiet time? I can read in peace, without someone interrupting me. (Honey, I'm looking at you!) I can write my post without someone looking over my shoulder. I could go get a drink from the vending machine and I wouldn't have to share!

Oh, man! I miss my kids! I miss their whispers. I miss the snoring. I miss the jumping up to give me a hug goodnight. I miss their sweaty, little boy smell. Okay, not that. But the rest, I do.

I miss my hubby. I miss his cuddling on the couch ... well, I won't really go into all that. Let me just say, I miss his incessant TV watching too. Who am I going to watch Franklin and Bash with Tuesday night? I might have to turn the TV on, just so I feel like he's here with me.

Hope my babies will be okay without their mommy. Hope mommy will be okay without her babies.

Well, I have two more nights to enjoy my silence. Maybe the quiet will feel less empty tomorrow.

Too Much Fun!

Wow. Just wow.

This was the first week of crazy summer vacation. I don't know what I was thinking. I get these ideas in my head, like HEY! Let's do fun stuff! In the summer!

And I forget that I'm the only adult in the house, which means I'm the responsible one. Ha.

So Monday, we went to the zoo. It went well. The boys insisted on posing with every single brass statue animal that they could find. And of course, I had to take their pictures. And of course my stupid camera on my stupid phone wasn't working properly. So I lost about half of the pictures I took. And if I can figure out how to get the pictures it did take onto my Chromebook, I will surely post them. Because my kids are nothing if not cute. Very cute.

We saw most all of the animals, except that damn komodo dragon. All the signs pointed to the reptile house, but then D-man had a dirty diaper while we were looking at the crocodile, so we had to skip the last bits. Little disappointed there. Luckily, my mom and her partner renew our family membership every year, so we can go back as much as we want.

We ran into any number of zoo workers on this trip. They were so nice about answering questions from the boys. We learned about alligators, saw an ostrich pee (had nothing to do with zookeepers), and learned about flamingos. I don't know that we've ever had that happen before. Guess we should go on Monday's more often.

One of my favorite parts of the day was when we visited the bird enclosure, where the penguins are housed. I've seen penguins. The boys like the penguins. We've seen Happy Feet, and Happy Feet Too. But nothing prepared me for sitting down next to my 13-month-old and watching him watch penguins for the first time. Oh. My. God. He was thoroughly delighted by the birds as they swam past him over and over. You'd think that God had made the penguins just for him! He giggled, he laughed out loud, he banged on the glass with his little baby hands. It was sweet and adorable. And I sat next to him and enjoyed it.

Life with a baby. It is truly wonderous.

Tuesday we chilled at home, but Wednesday I was up for another adventure. It was an indoor kind of day (read: f*ing hot!), so we went to EdVenture Children's Museum.

We also have a family pass to EdVenture, and we go about every 3 or 4 months. I am continuously fascinated by this place. Every time we go, there is some new exhibit. It is perfect for kids!

This time, they had giant, kid-sized games: chess, checkers, tic-tac-toe, floor hockey, Jenga, cornhole, and Battleship!!! Giant, freakin Battleship. Sadly, my boys do not know how to play Battleship, so we had to forgo that one. For now. It was too much for me to explain the rules, and keep track of the baby. They played chess (Cheese won) and Jenga (B-rex won). And D-man just played on the cornhole thingys. Yes, again, there are pictures. On my phone. I'm working on it!

There is also an exhibit called Moneyville, which has an educational slant to it. It's supposed to show kids about budgeting, figuring out what change to give, even a stock market game. (Cheese wanted to play that, but I couldn't help him figure it out. I don't understand the stock market.) There was also a station where you could make your own "bucks." I made Dino Dollars, with my picture on them!! The boys got to make their own too. You could even print them out, which of course we did. Now the boys want me to make copies of their "bucks" so they can "have 12 million dollars!" It's cute. Delusional, but cute.

One of the neat things about EdVenture is the baby areas. They understand that little guys (and gals) need their own place, since most of the exhibits are for bigger kids. So D-man hung out in the newly revamped toddler room, for 3 and unders only. There's a giant tree with a slide, a boat, and a baby area. There is also a new section in the construction area that is just for little ones. He got to play with toddler sized cars on a toddler sized table. It was fantastic!

The last stop in EdVenture was the outdoor water area. It's not a water park, just an area that shows how currents work and some other environmental stuff. The boys got soaked. Like, got cold in the air conditioning of the car, soaked. Even the baby! They all had to change clothes when we got home.

Once home, we left again after D-man decided that a nap was not for him. We went swimming with some friends from church. Yay! Swimming! We were there for two hours. And the boys went back again today. Oh my.

And did I mention that we've also had vacation Bible school all week, in the evenings? And I'm volunteering in the nursery. There are only 3 little dudes in there (Thanks, God!), so Miss Dawn and I get to chat. But it still means eating early (and therefore cooking early) so we can get there by 6:00. And it also means that the boys aren't getting to bed before 9:00. Thank God for summer, so they can sleep a little later!

Tomorrow is Friday. The plan is to chill with church friends in the morning, then get ready for the family night VBS picnic. And at some point I need to finish doing laundry, since we're going to the in-laws lake house for the weekend. Then the boys and I are going to Greenville for a few days, since I have a work conference. Hmmm... so much to do! 

Thoughts on Reading

As I sit here on my bed, next to my oldest son who is reading Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix, I am reminded again of how important reading is. I love books. Really. A lot. I am happiest when there is a book in my hands, and I am curled up in a chair (on a couch), perhaps with a blanket over my legs for comfort. I have always loved to read. My parents said that they started reading with me when I was a baby, and I was "reading" along with them before I'd started kindergarten. I remember walking up to the Square in Oxford, MS, when I was in elementary school, so I could go to Square Books and look. I'd beg/borrow money from my parents to buy new Babysitters Club or Sweet Valley High books.

I read for pleasure, to get out of my regular life. To be transported to other places where everything worked out in 150 pages or less. I knew it wasn't real, but it was still nice. It's not that home life was bad, except for my bratty little sister who followed me everywhere. My parents split up when I was 11, but Mom was still at our house every day getting us ready for school and meeting us when the bus dropped us off. But I still loved that escape.

In high school and college, I don't think I read as much. Who does? Who has time to read books just for fun? There is so much required reading. Those books that are assigned just didn't have the same pull for me as the ones I could CHOOSE to read. But I didn't do a lot of reading. Just the bare minimum to get by and get decent grades.

Now, I am back where I was when I was in elementary and middle school. Especially now, in the summer. On vacation. I go to the library at least once a week. I would just as soon sit all day and read. This wouldn't be a problem, except for the three little people who also live at my house. Those darn kids!

Hubs and I read to our oldest all the time when he was a baby. The large, 5-shelved bookshelf in the boys' room is testament to that. It's full of books, from first chapter books to Harry Potter. When boy #2 came along, we didn't have as much time to read. It was a lot different chasing after 2 boys. A lot of the time, I feel like I shortchanged #2 (B-rex) in the book department. I know all kids are supposed to be different. They are people, you know. But Cheese (the oldest) loves books like I do. He reads incessantly, working his way through any series he is interested in. (That he can get his hands on, he says.) But B-rex doesn't like to read. Is this my fault? Should I have taken more time to read to him, with him, when he was a baby? He's almost 8 now, is it too late?

With the youngest, D-man, I am making more of an effort. To read. One of his first words (sounds) was "boooo", meaning book. I know this, because he is usually holding a book out toward me when he makes the sound. I love that he loves books. He doesn't always sit still for a whole one, but he brings me one a lot. The same ones. Over and over. That's okay though, because it's just the beginning.

I'm passing on my love of books to my sons. I'm teaching them that it's possible to travel in your mind, if not with your body. I'm hoping they learn to look outside of themselves, to see the world in a slightly different way. That's the joy of books. 

Inconceivable

"I do not think that word means what you think it means." ~ The Princess Bride

Yeah, I went there. I love that movie. But that particular scene reminds me of this past month. Just when I thought some event couldn't possibly happen, it did. Or when I thought things couldn't get any better, they did. It was a serious HIGH!

First, Cheese's soccer team won the State Cup. Now, I know it's a U9 soccer league, and his team was not in the highest bracket. But the fact remains that the team won FOUR games that weekend. They got a trophy. They got medals. And capped off a season that went from cold and miserable in Atlanta, to warm and ecstatic in Sumter. It was magical. Inconceivable.

Next, "my girls" beat a very tough BMS team to win the District Championship. Yes, it's middle school soccer. But we beat them 2-0, after going into OT the first time we played them. And we went UNDEFEATED on the season, 12-0.  My first season as a coach. It was completely unbelievable. Inconceivable.

And I got an email that would change the end of my school year. No, I didn't quit, or change jobs, or get fired. I won a contest.

To meet the author, Claire Cook.

In Austin, TX.

At Lake Austin SPA & Resort.

All. Expenses. Paid.

This kind of stuff doesn't happen to people like me. Sure, someone has to win those contests. You see pictures and posts of stuff like this all the time. But not to people I know. And NEVER to me. (Guess I can't say that now.) Inconceivable!

Like I said, it was a crazy month. There was a lot of winning involved. I hope I didn't use up all  of my good karma.

Maybe I should let more cars pull out in front of me when I'm driving. Or go volunteer at a soup kitchen. Something to balance the good with the bad - which is not totally my fault. I mean, I have three kids!

Anyway, go do something nice for somebody. Maybe you can have something good happen to you too!

Beginning Another Summer

It is officially the second day of summer vacation 2012. What have we done at my house? Nothing. Well, we've made a mess of Calvin and Hobbs books and cleaned up. We've spilled a glass of orange juice and one of apple juice. We've looked at picture books. And we've watched the Wonderful Wizard of Ha's about 20 times. We went out to dinner, we ate Pop Tarts, we are finishing some Twizzlers. But nothing of note has occurred.

It has rained. For pretty much two straight days. Yuck! If it were just me and the two older boys, I wouldn't even notice. They are big and resilient. They don't mind running through the rain. They enjoy jumping in puddles of water, especially in their brand new shoes. They like the adventure of dodging raindrops.

However, now I have a 13-month-old. He does not enjoy the rain, or the cool temps that come with it. I do not want to take him out in rain, for fear that the constant drip from his nose will not take a break. I don't want my sweet baby boy to get wet. He doesn't get to walk through rain puddles or dodge raindrops. He gets to watch the rain through the window in the comfort of our living room.

Am I wrong for this? Should I let him experience the falling rain? The joys of spinning in circles while rain falls? The fun of splashing your mom (ME!!) when you jump into a particularly good puddle? I don't know.

I am not a helicopter.

I am not a bad mommy.

I have to keep telling myself that, while I watch him wander from room to room, picking up the same toys over and over. Yet, he's only a baby. He doesn't even remember what toys he has, so I don't think he's suffering much. It's just me, being overly concerned, wanting to do everything right this third time around. Wanting to be perfect for him, so he can grow up to be perfect.

I must be delusional. 

Those were the days

Oh for the days when B-rex would sleep late. I'm afraid we have him so conditioned to getting up early for school, that he now will wake up early on the weekends too! NOOOOOOOO! I loved that I could always count on B-rex to be a good LATE sleeper. Even as late as last weekend, he slept late. I was really looking forward to having some rest today. Oh well. Just more time to do the laundry.

Hubs and Cheese are still at the hospital. Cheese had his colostomy reversed and his colon reconnected to his rectum. Third time's the charm, right? I went to visit last night, and he seems okay so far. The doc said that his rectum was not quite as dialated as he had hoped, so they left some gauze in there to "stretch" things out. Hubs said that it would come out on Sunday. I'm not sure how that will work, but I'm not the doctor.

Cheese looked alright. Pretty good for someone who had major surgery 10 hours before. He had a dose of morphine while I was there, and that seemed to help. I know he is still in a bit of pain. Poor little guy. What a tough kid! Cheese is my hero!

The week at work was okay. I have had to contact 2 parents so far this year. One was early in the week, and the girl has been much better since then. Mom apparently threatened to take away her cell phone. Why an 8th grader needs a cell phone is beyond me! But I guess when you have as much money as this family, even the dog can have a cell phone.

Cheese also has a loose tooth. His first. The tooth fairy has been to the bank, or so I hear. I heard that she picked up some silver dollars and some gold dollars. Something special for when the tooth comes out. :-) I surveyed my students, and the going rate for a tooth is anywhere from $1 to $20! Wow! What would a tooth have to do to be worth $20? Some people just have more money than sense. Hubs and I decided that $1 is plenty for the fairy to leave. Especially since there's another brother on the horizon to losing teeth. We don't want her to set an expectation too high. Ya know?

Must. Go. Switch. Laundry.

Ouch!

My throat hurts! B-rex has been back in daycare for a week now, and I think he brought home a little something to share with the family. His nose started running Friday night, and today my throat hurts. Cheese also has a runny nose.

I suppose I could have picked it up at work, but my students aren't back yet, so that seems more unlikely to me.

It has been a busy week for me. Getting ready for back-to-school is never easy. I had Latin meetings on Monday and Tuesday, then met again with the other myth teacher on Wednesday. Thursday and Friday were official school work days.

Friday we also had orientation for 6th graders. A time for them to pick up schedules, meet their teachers, try to figure out their lockers. Which evidently is much harder now than back in the day when I was in school. I don't remember having a hard time with my locker. Yours truly got to be one of the official greeters at the orientation. Yes, me! I am actually really good at fake smiling and being pleasant to people. It must be from all those church greetings! (I just knew that being a pastor's wife would come in handy one day!)

In other news, we are looking more closely at Cheese's last surgery! So close! He went to the doc on Friday and the prognosis looks good! Can you tell I'm excited!? Finally, he is going to be "normal" in the booty area. Please, God.

Hubs is sailing along. Still driving out to work every day. Wish we could find some way so that he doesn't have to drive so far, but right now I guess that's how it has to be. Either that, or I have to drive over an hour to work. And since we can't afford for me to quit, this is it!

Anyhoo, I'm going to find some drugs to help my throat. I hope this clears up by Thursday. I'll need my voice when the kiddos come back to school!

Easier day

So today was my 2nd Sunday at the new churches. Last week was rough. I met all these new people, and had to listen to Hubs 3 times! Yikes! Today, though, I took the boys to Sunday school at the last church and hung out. I actually stayed in their class, and watched the fun unfold.

I obviously have not spent enough quality time with younger children. They were so funny! Or maybe it was the teacher. At the outset, she told me "I am not a teacher. That is not my profession." I guess so that I wouldn't judge her abilities. Then, she got out paint. Oh, yes. Paint.

And it was watercolor. So that meant that little cups of water were needed. And large t-shirts to go over the clothes of the children. And something to cover the table as well. It took about 10 minutes before they were even able to get started!

But they loved it! They painted robots, cars, and mermaids. Very Biblical, I know. But the teacher was talking to them about "young Jesus." You know, the part of the story where Jesus gets left behind in Jerusalem. And is not missed for 3 days. And does not seem to be concerned, since he is just hanging out at the Temple. It's amazing how much of that the kids actually internalized. I was pretty sure they weren't paying attention at all, but Cheese could answer all my questions at lunch today. Impressive.

It's back to work again tomorrow. Latin meetings. Then Thursday starts the actual back-to-school fun!

Turkey gone, gone

Another happy holiday over and done. I cannot believe it is almost Christmas.

We went to the in-laws yesterday for food and fun. I actually contributed this year. Made a right lovely bread casserole thing. It was yummy! So moist and flavorful. I liked it. A Weight Watchers recipe no less! I think we will see that one again before next Thanksgiving.

The food was yummy. The turkey was moist this year. Cheese actually ate all his food! B-rex ate most of his. Well, all his turkey and gravy. No green beans or rice. Whatever. He barely eats most days anyway. Hubs took the boys for a walk along the creek that runs behind his parents house. He confided in me on the way home: It used to look much bigger. I just laughed. I'm sure the boys thought it was a big adventure, traipsing along in the "woods" behind the house. And they were spending quality time with their daddy. That's the most important part. They'll always remember that.

Now the Christmas fun begins. I've already ordered some movies as gifts for the boys. Power Rangers. Fun for them, not so much for Mom and Dad. Ordered some DVDs for my bro too. That reminds me, he suggested that I check their registry to see what was left. I don't know what to get his new wife. She can be difficult to buy for sometimes. I hope my dad and GiGi send their lists soon. I hope we get that bonus check soon too, so I can pay for all this stuff!

Hope all had a happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Halloween

Tomorrow is Halloween. The boys are looking forward to going to Princess' house and trick-or-treating. I had to explain how the whole day would go down. Because Cheese is all into details and asking "Is that after today?" about everything. "First we go to school. Then I pick you up, then we come home and get Bennett. Then we order the pizza. Then we go to pick up the pizza and take it to Princess' house. Then we eat the pizza. Then we change into your costumes. Then we go trick-or-treating with Princess. Then you can hand out candy at Princess' house for a little while. Then we are coming home and going to bed."

at least, that's the plan. I'm sure a thing or twenty will totally ruin that. Already we've hit a snag. The new Power Ranger costume that Cheese bought with his birthday money is messed up. We had a Fall Festival at our church on Sunday. The boys had nametags on with the type of "Christian character" their costume showed. And Cheese didn't take the sticker off when he took off his costume. And I didn't notice it when I threw it in the washer. So the sticker got washed. And, like a bad mommy, I dried it. Then I noticed the sticker residue. So I washed it again. And it is still there. I don't know what to do.

Cheese does have other costumes. Like the SpiderMan one from last year that still fits because he has not gained an OUNCE since then. Or the Ninja Turtle one that my mom got him. Or the Buzz Lightyear that we got from some friends. But I think his little heart is set on being the grey Power Ranger. Sigh. Maybe I should call my stepmom, knower of all things domestic.

Not much else going on. Hubs started a new job at BCBS this week. He's working customer service through a temp agency. Pay is good. Hours are steady. This week, he's also working every night at the bookstore. Oh, my. Can we say lack of sleep? And crabby? But at least he can come home for dinner in between!

Everyone says it's about time he picked up the slack. That this is just fair for what I've had to put in as far as work this past year. But I don't know. I liked working. I hated not seeing the kids for a couple of days at a time, but I liked what I was doing. Yes, it was stressful with the lack of money and such. But God will always provide, and did always provide.

I guess I'm trying to say that I'm sorry this is happening to him. The whole "burning the candle at both ends" thing. I've been there. I know it's not fun. I wish it didn't have to be this way. He'll miss the kids trick-or-treating again this year. I don't think he's been with us the past 2 or 3 years. Oh, well. Maybe next year.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Overwhlemed

I feel like I've been running around in circles for the past few days. School has been terrible. Home life has seemed nonexistent. I have been completely foul.

I'm not sure what is going on. I'm frustrated by school. I'm "teaching" this online Latin course, and it is taking up oodles of my time. Yes, I'm being compensated a bit ($100 per student), but I am not going to see that money till the end of the semester. And it occurred to me on the way home tonight that I'm really doing all this work, which is the work of a full-time teacher, for free right now. And even when I do get paid for it, it's a measly $100 per student. For an entire semester's worth of work. And yes, the online course is already made, but it is not up to par. I have to move stuff around, add my own notes and powerpoints, grade the online assignments, give extra assignments, come up with projects, and grade all of it. For a measly $100 per kid! I think I will be talking to our contact at the D.O. tomorrow. This is ridiculous!

And things at home are not great. We are still broke. I thought it would be better once Hubs got a job. But we still can't make ends meet. I'm going to have him begging for money again tomorrow, because we don't get paid till next week. And I still haven't paid the car insurance, or my student loans. And his student loans are overdue by a couple of months. And most of our bills are being paid late, which is messing up our credit even further. And I don't know what else to do! I can't see where the problem is!

And Cheese is getting ready to have surgery again. The colostomy reversal is set for Oct. 1. Which means Hubs won't be working at all that week. And I'll have to take off the next week when he's at Duke for continuing ed stuff. Cheese will not be ready yet to go back to school I think. We still have to talk to the school to see if Cheese will be able to stay in his preschool program, since one of the requirements is that he be fully potty trained. And once they reconnect everything "down there", he will not have full bowel control for a while. Possibly up to a year, or maybe not ever really.

Can you say stress?

And tomorrow morning, B-rex has an appointment for evaluation by the school district's speech therapy people. At least that's free.

I just feel like I'm in a free fall. I have no idea where the bottom is, but I don't want to know, because it's going to hurt when I hit. I don't know how much longer Hubs and I can make it like this, with all the money stuff. I know I'm supposed to give it all over to God, and He will provide. And I'm trying, really I am. But it's so hard. And it doesn't really help me sleep at night. My doc said she'd give me a prescription for that (sleeping), but I can't afford to fill it anyway. What are we going to do?

The good news is, I've lost 33 pounds through Weight Watchers now. Still some more to go, but this feels nice. On the down side, most of my clothes are not fitting anymore. I can't afford to buy new ones, so I'm trying to belt them up. Sometimes it works, sometimes it looks stupid. Oh, well.

New appreciations

Hubs has finally come upon a new appreciation of my total exhaustion during the winter months. When I was working at the bookstore while holding down a full-time job and raising two children and taking care of the house and clothing. He started working at my old bookstore. I had to quit when school started back. He has closed 2 nights in a row now, and has not gotten home before midnight.

He said that he napped all morning today, after a particularly busy evening. I didn't want to say anything, for fear of starting a fight, but REALLY! When I was working there, I had to get up at 5 in the morning so that I could get to teaching school on time. In the dead of winter. And I still picked the kids up from school. I would come home long enough to grab a sandwich or something, then head to work. I didn't get a nap. Ever.

I'm glad he finally understands that it was hard on me. Well, he's beginning to understand. I don't think he will ever truly appreciate the difficulty. Just goes to show, women are much stronger than men in the ways that count.

In other news, B-rex is pooping in the potty occasionally. All the moms out there know what a big deal that is! Yay!!!

And Cheese is like a different kid at school this year. He's been an absolute angel. No bad reports at all! His partner in crime/best friend from last year is now in kindergarten. Spreading havoc wherever he goes. At least he is not corrupting my sweet angel baby anymore.

Just a Moment

I don't have much time, as the children are in the tub. I know, a good mom would never leave her children alone in a tub of water. But really, they'll be okay for a few minutes.

I have had a crazy time this past month. It seems like it's been just one thing after another. There have been many times when I've sat at the computer checking email, and I think 'I really need to update my blog.' But I can't bring myself to do it. There has been so much in my head, I don't know where to start sometimes. So I'm going to start over from today.

9 days till Cheese turns 5. I can't believe I am the mother of a 5 year old. It boggles the mind. And B-rex will be 3 in just over a month. Where does the time go?

Swimming again

Nikki- We had so much fun again today swimming with you and Madison. The boys LOVE the water! Last summer, we went to visit my dad. B-Rex got in the water, but he didn't really have a choice. We put him in one of those baby floats and set him sail. Cheese didn't want to get into the water at all. In fact, he just stood on the side of the pool and threw the water ball to us the whole time. This summer, they are both lovin' the water.

Cheese got right in today. I think going swimming with Shalee last week really helped. And seeing Madison able to swim too. He's really kicking out there. He still doesn't want to jump in and get his face wet, but it'll come. I just hate that we have to take breaks because his bag comes unglued. Oh, well. He sat on his towel today until it dried out a little bit. Then we taped him up and let him back in.

B-rex is a maniac. If I would let him, he'd jump off the diving board. No, really. He would. He is fearless! He asked a couple of times today, but I persuaded him not to. I did throw him around a bit, and he did okay going under the water. He didn't like it, but he did okay. Maybe we'll just keep trying that.

This week has been tiring. It's hard being at work all day. My legs are sooooooo tired! And my feet! Ouch! But it'll be worth the paycheck at the end, right? Hubs is out looking for a job right now. He's thinking about waiting tables again. At Arizona Steakhouse. We haven't even eaten there! Come to think of it, we haven't gone out for my birthday dinner. Or my birthday movie. Hey! He owes me a date! Maybe we can get the Nanas to watch the kids one night next week. Hmm, but Chris' wedding is next weekend. Nanas probably don't need anymore stress than they already have.

Yes, in one week, my baby brother is getting married. Wow! I need to go pick up my bridesmaid's dress. Maybe after work tomorrow.

Oh, and I weigh 152.1 lbs. As of this morning. We'll see if it stays that way till tomorrow, the official weigh-in day.

If At First You Don't...

Can you tell my Hubs is out of town? I haven't posted this much since, well, never. Guess I am trying to make up for lost time. And Gigi telling me that I write well isn't hurting either. If she is reading this to get updates on the kiddies, guess I should oblige and actually write about the little buggers.

Today was like a long comedy of errors. Shannon said last night that they would be done at her mom's house "early." That, to me, meant before the 9:00 hour. I just assume that everyone's kids get up at the butt crack of dawn like mine do. So I got up early-ish (7:00), and did a little TaeBo. I hurted. Cheeseman got up while I was doing that. He wanted to know if it was time to go to Shalee's yet.

It got to be 9:00, and I still hadn't heard from Shannon, so I decided to shower. Yes, I'd been all stinky and sweaty until then. But the kids don't mind, and Hubs isn't here to have an opinion. I showered, got dressed. Still nothing. Finally, 10:20 rolls around and she calls. I head over with the boys, and drop them off. I'm going to get my nails done.

I can't help it. I'm addicted now. I love the way they look. I love the deep pink color of my toes. It's bootiful! So I sit. And sit. And sit. And it's now almost noon! Finally, the guy that does the best foot/leg massages during pedicures is free! He does the pedi, then the mani. I go with some color on the mani this time. Branching out, ya know! I glance at the clock, and it is 1:20. Which would not be a problem, except that the kids are swimming (without their momma!) and Bman has his speech therapy at 1:45. Crap.

I walk out the door of the salon at 1:32. I am at the pool at 1:45. Double crap. Bman does NOT want to get out of the pool. I finally promise him that we'll be back when Miss Jill is done. Then we hurry home. We pull into the driveway at 1:55. She is not there. I rush into the house, leaving Bman in the car (with the windows DOWN!), and call her cell. She agrees to come back for a shortened session.

At 3:00, we are walking back out the door to go back to the pool. We get there, and Bman wants to jump straight in. We get his Spiderman floaties on, and we're ready to rock. Cheeseman is hanging out IN THE BIG POOL! Dog paddling like a maniac! Yaay! About 20 minutes later, his bag has lost all its adhesive powers, and Cheeseman has to get out of the pool lest he contaminate it with his poop. The joys of a colostomy bag. :-( He's okay though. He knows it's nothing personal.

We left around 3:50, right as they were blowing the whistle for adult swim. Do all pools with lifeguards do that? Just curious. My pool experiences are limited recently. We used to go almost every day when I was in junior high. Mom was a student at Ole Miss, so we'd go to the "family pool" on campus all the time. It was AWESOME! I had the hugest crushes on the lifeguards there. They were HOT! I used to have pictures of some of them. Wonder what ever happened to those?

Anyway, I gave the kids a snack when we got home. Cheeseman was all excited because they were having movie night at NEUMC (our old church). He and Bman love movie night. They get to wear their pj's and lay in sleeping bags on the floor of the sanctuary. Alas, 'twas not to be. Cheeseman passed out on the couch. One minute, he was awake. The next, he was sawing logs. I tried to wake him at quarter to six, but he wasn't moving. I did move him into his bed, just in case. Bman and I played and read books for another hour, till it was bath time.

Cheeseman woke up just after 7:00. Bman got out of the tub, Cheeseman got in. I had bought these little soap tablets that turn the water colors. Bman got yellow, cuz he likes to pee in the tub. Cheeseman chose red. Because his favorite Power Ranger is the red ranger. Sigh. Anyway. Cheese was all upset because he missed movie night at church. So we had our own movie night at home. We (well, the boys) watched their new TMNT video for almost an hour. Then I had to call it a night. There were talking samurai rabbits and pandas. It was too much for me. Though I have no problem with talking ninja turtles. A strange fact that Cheese pointed out to me. The wisdom of a 4-year-old.

So now, I'm hanging out. I'm trying to decide whether I want to wake the boys up early tomorrow. I have an all associate meeting at BAM at 7:00 AM. My manager would like me to be there, even said I could bring the boys to enjoy the free donuts. But I don't know how sociable they'll be that early. I'm not usually too sociable that early. And I'd have to wake them up. And they can be cranky. But we're talking about the big Harry Potter shindig. Which I'm not actually working at. Tough decision. I'll make it when the alarm goes off at 6:21.

Gigi, if you're reading this, hope you have enjoyed the week of play-by-play action around our house. It will likely not continue. Hubs comes home next week, and he doesn't like it when I hole myself up in the room and write. Nevermind that it makes me feel better, but whatever. Also, I'll be working at BAM every day except Thursday. So I won't even know what the boys are doing. I know that Monday, Cheese has another booty procedure. Then Bman has speech therapy on Tuesday. Thursday, we're going swimming with Nikki and Madison. But other than that, who knows?

By the way, if you have a chance, check out the devotional for July 12 of Streams in the Desert by Cowman. It is a fabulous message!

Still no way to write a title. This is annoying me, even though the title of a post was often the hardest part for me. It's like naming a story. You have to capture the essence in just a few words. How do authors do that? I am continually amazed at that at work. They must be very creative people.

Today was a long day. I worked at BAM all day. My feet hurt. I really wish Hubs were home so that he could rub them. My feet!!!

Where were the boys? Bman went to daycare. We haven't used it in a few weeks. We're only paying half each week, to hold his spot. But we were desperate and Jane can only handle one of the boys at a time. Evidently, they can be overwhelming. So Cheeseman went to Nanas house. First, though, they went to a free movie with Aunt Nikki and Madison. They saw Everybody's Hero. He said it was good. I asked what it was about. "Baseball" that's all he remembers. Oh, to have the ability to be so concise.

A cute thing Cheeseman keeps doing: "Are you my conscience?" I don't know where he got that from. I know Pinnochio asks Jiminy Cricket that in Pinnochio, but I don't think the boys have seen that movie. If they did, it wasn't at our house. For all the Disney movies we have, we don't have that one. (hint, hint. I'd like it!) Anyway, Hubs and I have tried to explain that God is his conscience, but he does not seem to care. I think he just likes asking.

Another thing he does, which can get annoying at times, is ask "what's after bedtime?" Then, "what's after waking up time?" and further "what's after breakfast?" and on and on and on. Until you're at the next day and making up what's next. My word! That boy loves to hear himself speak!

Bman is also loquacious (look at my big word). The problem is, you can only understand about half of what he says. Power Ranger becomes "pow jane ger." It's an issue. So this Friday, we are starting speech therapy. ONE HOUR EVERY WEEK. Um, I don't know what kind of crazy that woman is, but Bman is NOT going to sit and work with her for an hour. Never gonna happen. That boy can't even sit still for a 20 minute cartoon! It's worth a shot though. The therapist, Jill, said that his main problem is enunciation. Sigh. I thought my kids were going to be perfect.

In other, unrelated, slightly strange, news, I got a random email today. From an old boyfriend. That I was engaged to. On my work email, of all places. Just a note to wish me a happy birthday. It was odd. I wrote back thanks, and the family is all fine. It was just so out of the blue. I haven't seen him, even in passing, in over two years. I run into his mom occasionally, because she works in the same school district as I do. Last I heard, he was married with a couple of kids. Dunno. It was nice of him to write though. I can't believe he remembered my birthday. I have NO IDEA when his is. Early in the year maybe?

I've been reading this devotional, Streams in the Desert. It is great! Today's entry really spoke to me:
No prayer is ever lost, or any prayer ever breathed in vain. There is no such thing as prayer unanswered or unnoticed by God, and some things we see as refusals or denials are simply delays. Christ sometimes delays His help so He may test our faith and energize our prayers. Our boat may be tossed by the waves while He continues to sleep, but He will awake before it sinks. He sleeps but He never oversleeps, for He is never too late.

Chew on that. I know, personally, there have been many times I've wondered if God was listening. Mostly when Cheeseman was so sick and in the hospital. Why couldn't he get well? Or when Hubs was struggling so hard with school. Why couldn't he do better? I know in my head that God is hearing me, and that He will do what is best according to His will. I just need to keep on praying, because God is hearing me and doing His thing.

"And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened...If you, then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11: 9-11, 13

Happy birthday to me!

Why won't Blogger let me enter a title for my entry? It wouldn't yesterday either. What gives?

Hubs remembered to call this morning! I was going to seriously divorce him if he couldn't find someone's cell to borrow. He hardly gets service anywhere. I think something is wrong with his phone. Mine gets service everywhere! Anyway, he's having a good time at Salkehatchie. He's not on one main site this year. Just kind of driving around wherever they need him.

I got my bday present from Dad and Gigi today. The card is SO cute!! It's one of those cards that plays music. It plays "Bear Necessities" from the Jungle Book movie. I LOVE that movie! Only my dad could have picked that out for me. They also got me the City On a Hill CD set. I am importing it onto iTunes right now. Love me some praise music!

Cheeseman, Bman, and I have had an eventful morning/day. We went to the post office, but I couldn't remember the correct zip code for my in-laws, so that was a waste. Then we went out to lunch at Applebee's. Bman didn't eat anything. (Skipped breakfast too - wonder what's up with him?) The boys got balloons, which they played with very well. Cheeseman mostly sat still and ate. Bman was all over, as usual. But he mostly stayed near the table, so that was good. Our waiter was REALLY super nice. And helpful. He tied slipknots at the end of the balloon ribbons, so we were able to attach the balloons to the toys.

Afterwards, we went to the grocery store. I spent WAY too much money. It was a lot of junk food, I must admit. But it was good-for-you junk. Like Baked Lays. And Weight Watchers snacks. And there was lots of fruits and veggies as well. Bman is CRAZY for fruit.

As an aside, why won't my left breast stay in my bra cup? The right one is fine. But the left one bulges out. It is quite unseemly.

Anyways, we head to my mom's for a cookout tonight. My sister, her husband, and daughter will be there as well. Mom and Jane just got a pool for the yard, so I imagine there will be some swimming going on. Good. The boys like the pool. I hope the clouds hold off. Or not. It is insanely humid outside right now.

I just found out that my stepmom, affectionately known as Gigi, reads my blog. I will be on my best behavior from now on. I don't want my family knowing ALL of my business.

9:58--It is now after dinner. The day is mostly over. The kids are asleep. They almost fell asleep on the drive home. It was a little late. Bad mommy. But they did get a bath, and I didn't have to give it! I did have to change Cheeseman's bag, though. Yuck. But he was really good and laid still.

The boys had such a fun time tonight. When we got there, it hadn't started raining yet, so they got to swim in Nanas' new pool. They are really getting into that swimming thing. Nikki got them Spiderman floaties, so now they are much more confident. And Nanas got them water guns too! They were just beside themselves.

Then cousin Madison arrived. The party really started up! And then it rained. The cookout got moved into the garage. The kids all went inside and played Hullaballoo. It was a cute game. We will have to get that once Bman figures out his colors and shapes. Then it was time to eat. I was really good tonight. I only had one burger, no cheese, corn on the cob and a pickle. Then later, had a bowl of fresh watermelon. MMMMMMMM...... I love watermelon! Jane even put candles in it so we could pretend it was a birthday cake. You know, since I'm on a diet and all.

We had a fun time watching the kids dance to one of my gifts, the soundtrack to Happy Feet. We saw it at the free movies last week, and loved the songs. The kids were so cute! Especially Bman and Madison. They are crazy dancers! I also like my new flashdrive I got from my sis. Thanks, Nikki! (Even though you didn't say happy b-day to me until about an hour after you got there!)

It was a nice day. Thanks to everyone for all the nice gifts! Even my "baby" brother, who is getting married in less than 3 weeks, remembered to call. Without being prompted by my mom! Guess he really IS growing up.