Wednesday, September 19, 2007


I feel like I've been running around in circles for the past few days. School has been terrible. Home life has seemed nonexistent. I have been completely foul.

I'm not sure what is going on. I'm frustrated by school. I'm "teaching" this online Latin course, and it is taking up oodles of my time. Yes, I'm being compensated a bit ($100 per student), but I am not going to see that money till the end of the semester. And it occurred to me on the way home tonight that I'm really doing all this work, which is the work of a full-time teacher, for free right now. And even when I do get paid for it, it's a measly $100 per student. For an entire semester's worth of work. And yes, the online course is already made, but it is not up to par. I have to move stuff around, add my own notes and powerpoints, grade the online assignments, give extra assignments, come up with projects, and grade all of it. For a measly $100 per kid! I think I will be talking to our contact at the D.O. tomorrow. This is ridiculous!

And things at home are not great. We are still broke. I thought it would be better once Hubs got a job. But we still can't make ends meet. I'm going to have him begging for money again tomorrow, because we don't get paid till next week. And I still haven't paid the car insurance, or my student loans. And his student loans are overdue by a couple of months. And most of our bills are being paid late, which is messing up our credit even further. And I don't know what else to do! I can't see where the problem is!

And Cheese is getting ready to have surgery again. The colostomy reversal is set for Oct. 1. Which means Hubs won't be working at all that week. And I'll have to take off the next week when he's at Duke for continuing ed stuff. Cheese will not be ready yet to go back to school I think. We still have to talk to the school to see if Cheese will be able to stay in his preschool program, since one of the requirements is that he be fully potty trained. And once they reconnect everything "down there", he will not have full bowel control for a while. Possibly up to a year, or maybe not ever really.

Can you say stress?

And tomorrow morning, B-rex has an appointment for evaluation by the school district's speech therapy people. At least that's free.

I just feel like I'm in a free fall. I have no idea where the bottom is, but I don't want to know, because it's going to hurt when I hit. I don't know how much longer Hubs and I can make it like this, with all the money stuff. I know I'm supposed to give it all over to God, and He will provide. And I'm trying, really I am. But it's so hard. And it doesn't really help me sleep at night. My doc said she'd give me a prescription for that (sleeping), but I can't afford to fill it anyway. What are we going to do?

The good news is, I've lost 33 pounds through Weight Watchers now. Still some more to go, but this feels nice. On the down side, most of my clothes are not fitting anymore. I can't afford to buy new ones, so I'm trying to belt them up. Sometimes it works, sometimes it looks stupid. Oh, well.

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