So today was my 2nd Sunday at the new churches. Last week was rough. I met all these new people, and had to listen to Hubs 3 times! Yikes! Today, though, I took the boys to Sunday school at the last church and hung out. I actually stayed in their class, and watched the fun unfold.
I obviously have not spent enough quality time with younger children. They were so funny! Or maybe it was the teacher. At the outset, she told me "I am not a teacher. That is not my profession." I guess so that I wouldn't judge her abilities. Then, she got out paint. Oh, yes. Paint.
And it was watercolor. So that meant that little cups of water were needed. And large t-shirts to go over the clothes of the children. And something to cover the table as well. It took about 10 minutes before they were even able to get started!
But they loved it! They painted robots, cars, and mermaids. Very Biblical, I know. But the teacher was talking to them about "young Jesus." You know, the part of the story where Jesus gets left behind in Jerusalem. And is not missed for 3 days. And does not seem to be concerned, since he is just hanging out at the Temple. It's amazing how much of that the kids actually internalized. I was pretty sure they weren't paying attention at all, but Cheese could answer all my questions at lunch today. Impressive.
It's back to work again tomorrow. Latin meetings. Then Thursday starts the actual back-to-school fun!
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
All the Time, Everywhere
I'm no Biblical scholar, but I was doing my daily devotion this morning. The verses really spoke to me today, for reasons that I will not share on the blog because my mom does not need to know everything her daughter does. My friends may understand, since perhaps they will be familiar with the word lemoncello. Enough said.
Psalm 139:1-12
Lord, you have examined me and knkow all about me.
You know when I sit down and when I get up.
You know my thoughts before I think them.
You know where I go and where I lie down
You know thoroughly everything I do.
LORD, even before I say a word, you already know it.
You are all around me - in front and in back - and have put your hand on me.
You knowledge is amazing to me, it is more than I can understand.
Where can I go to get away from your Spirit? Where can I run from you?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I lie down in the grave, you are there.
If I rise with the sun in the east and settle in the west beyound the sea,
even there you would guide me, with your right hand you would hold me.
I could say, "The darkness will hide me. Let the light around me turn into night."
But even the darkness is not dark to you. The night is as light as the day; darkness and light are the same to you.
Refreshing, words I have heard time and again. Seeming to come at a time when I was sure no one knew what I was doing except the people I was with. And no, it wasn't anything bad. Nothing even remotely illegal or harmful to anyone.
Anyway, just something to think about.
Psalm 139:1-12
Lord, you have examined me and knkow all about me.
You know when I sit down and when I get up.
You know my thoughts before I think them.
You know where I go and where I lie down
You know thoroughly everything I do.
LORD, even before I say a word, you already know it.
You are all around me - in front and in back - and have put your hand on me.
You knowledge is amazing to me, it is more than I can understand.
Where can I go to get away from your Spirit? Where can I run from you?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I lie down in the grave, you are there.
If I rise with the sun in the east and settle in the west beyound the sea,
even there you would guide me, with your right hand you would hold me.
I could say, "The darkness will hide me. Let the light around me turn into night."
But even the darkness is not dark to you. The night is as light as the day; darkness and light are the same to you.
Refreshing, words I have heard time and again. Seeming to come at a time when I was sure no one knew what I was doing except the people I was with. And no, it wasn't anything bad. Nothing even remotely illegal or harmful to anyone.
Anyway, just something to think about.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Happy New Year!
Oh wow. I have never been so glad to see a year end. Ever. In just 3 more hours and 6 minutes, the year 2007 will be over. It could not come fast enough.
I knew it was going to be a bad year only 4 days in. My best friend's husband was killed in a plane crash. That's the beginning. Since then, we've been through depression, ADHD, dropping out of school, being out of work for 4 months (again). That was just Hubs.
Cheese had 2 major surgeries (one unplanned and life-threatening), one trip to the ER, and a countless number of minor outpatient procedures.
B-rex had a slow year, he only started speech classes.
And me, I had to deal with all of that plus filling in for a missing Latin teacher at our school all fall.
In between all that, our family had some other upheavals. We left our church so that Hubs could pursue his dream. We moved, kind of, into a new house.
Hmm... I'm trying to think if there is anything else. I can't really remember if there was anything else. It has seemed like it was just one thing after another.
Through it all, and Hubs and I talked about this the other day, our faith has grown in ways that we can't really comprehend. I did 3 Bible studies this year, all written by Beth Moore. (If you haven't checked her out, you should!) Right now, I feel closer to God than ever. When you look at all we've been through, there were two choices we had.
One, blame God for everything. Be angry, because so much stuff was happening to us that we couldn't control. And after all, weren't we doing the Lord's work? How could He let this happen to us?
Two, turn to God. Love God. Give it all to Him and let Him figure it out. Know and trust that there is a plan and someday we'll know what this was all about. l
We chose number Two. I have no idea why we've had the year we had. At times, it has seemed like God was just sitting up there in his throne having a laugh at our expense. Really. But I know and trust that there was, and continues to be, some plan for us. We don't know what it is, but it's there.
I just hope His sense of humor changes for 2008. I don't know if I can handle another year like this one.
Happy New Year, y'all!
I knew it was going to be a bad year only 4 days in. My best friend's husband was killed in a plane crash. That's the beginning. Since then, we've been through depression, ADHD, dropping out of school, being out of work for 4 months (again). That was just Hubs.
Cheese had 2 major surgeries (one unplanned and life-threatening), one trip to the ER, and a countless number of minor outpatient procedures.
B-rex had a slow year, he only started speech classes.
And me, I had to deal with all of that plus filling in for a missing Latin teacher at our school all fall.
In between all that, our family had some other upheavals. We left our church so that Hubs could pursue his dream. We moved, kind of, into a new house.
Hmm... I'm trying to think if there is anything else. I can't really remember if there was anything else. It has seemed like it was just one thing after another.
Through it all, and Hubs and I talked about this the other day, our faith has grown in ways that we can't really comprehend. I did 3 Bible studies this year, all written by Beth Moore. (If you haven't checked her out, you should!) Right now, I feel closer to God than ever. When you look at all we've been through, there were two choices we had.
One, blame God for everything. Be angry, because so much stuff was happening to us that we couldn't control. And after all, weren't we doing the Lord's work? How could He let this happen to us?
Two, turn to God. Love God. Give it all to Him and let Him figure it out. Know and trust that there is a plan and someday we'll know what this was all about. l
We chose number Two. I have no idea why we've had the year we had. At times, it has seemed like God was just sitting up there in his throne having a laugh at our expense. Really. But I know and trust that there was, and continues to be, some plan for us. We don't know what it is, but it's there.
I just hope His sense of humor changes for 2008. I don't know if I can handle another year like this one.
Happy New Year, y'all!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Still no way to write a title. This is annoying me, even though the title of a post was often the hardest part for me. It's like naming a story. You have to capture the essence in just a few words. How do authors do that? I am continually amazed at that at work. They must be very creative people.
Today was a long day. I worked at BAM all day. My feet hurt. I really wish Hubs were home so that he could rub them. My feet!!!
Where were the boys? Bman went to daycare. We haven't used it in a few weeks. We're only paying half each week, to hold his spot. But we were desperate and Jane can only handle one of the boys at a time. Evidently, they can be overwhelming. So Cheeseman went to Nanas house. First, though, they went to a free movie with Aunt Nikki and Madison. They saw Everybody's Hero. He said it was good. I asked what it was about. "Baseball" that's all he remembers. Oh, to have the ability to be so concise.
A cute thing Cheeseman keeps doing: "Are you my conscience?" I don't know where he got that from. I know Pinnochio asks Jiminy Cricket that in Pinnochio, but I don't think the boys have seen that movie. If they did, it wasn't at our house. For all the Disney movies we have, we don't have that one. (hint, hint. I'd like it!) Anyway, Hubs and I have tried to explain that God is his conscience, but he does not seem to care. I think he just likes asking.
Another thing he does, which can get annoying at times, is ask "what's after bedtime?" Then, "what's after waking up time?" and further "what's after breakfast?" and on and on and on. Until you're at the next day and making up what's next. My word! That boy loves to hear himself speak!
Bman is also loquacious (look at my big word). The problem is, you can only understand about half of what he says. Power Ranger becomes "pow jane ger." It's an issue. So this Friday, we are starting speech therapy. ONE HOUR EVERY WEEK. Um, I don't know what kind of crazy that woman is, but Bman is NOT going to sit and work with her for an hour. Never gonna happen. That boy can't even sit still for a 20 minute cartoon! It's worth a shot though. The therapist, Jill, said that his main problem is enunciation. Sigh. I thought my kids were going to be perfect.
In other, unrelated, slightly strange, news, I got a random email today. From an old boyfriend. That I was engaged to. On my work email, of all places. Just a note to wish me a happy birthday. It was odd. I wrote back thanks, and the family is all fine. It was just so out of the blue. I haven't seen him, even in passing, in over two years. I run into his mom occasionally, because she works in the same school district as I do. Last I heard, he was married with a couple of kids. Dunno. It was nice of him to write though. I can't believe he remembered my birthday. I have NO IDEA when his is. Early in the year maybe?
I've been reading this devotional, Streams in the Desert. It is great! Today's entry really spoke to me:
No prayer is ever lost, or any prayer ever breathed in vain. There is no such thing as prayer unanswered or unnoticed by God, and some things we see as refusals or denials are simply delays. Christ sometimes delays His help so He may test our faith and energize our prayers. Our boat may be tossed by the waves while He continues to sleep, but He will awake before it sinks. He sleeps but He never oversleeps, for He is never too late.
Chew on that. I know, personally, there have been many times I've wondered if God was listening. Mostly when Cheeseman was so sick and in the hospital. Why couldn't he get well? Or when Hubs was struggling so hard with school. Why couldn't he do better? I know in my head that God is hearing me, and that He will do what is best according to His will. I just need to keep on praying, because God is hearing me and doing His thing.
"And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened...If you, then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11: 9-11, 13
Today was a long day. I worked at BAM all day. My feet hurt. I really wish Hubs were home so that he could rub them. My feet!!!
Where were the boys? Bman went to daycare. We haven't used it in a few weeks. We're only paying half each week, to hold his spot. But we were desperate and Jane can only handle one of the boys at a time. Evidently, they can be overwhelming. So Cheeseman went to Nanas house. First, though, they went to a free movie with Aunt Nikki and Madison. They saw Everybody's Hero. He said it was good. I asked what it was about. "Baseball" that's all he remembers. Oh, to have the ability to be so concise.
A cute thing Cheeseman keeps doing: "Are you my conscience?" I don't know where he got that from. I know Pinnochio asks Jiminy Cricket that in Pinnochio, but I don't think the boys have seen that movie. If they did, it wasn't at our house. For all the Disney movies we have, we don't have that one. (hint, hint. I'd like it!) Anyway, Hubs and I have tried to explain that God is his conscience, but he does not seem to care. I think he just likes asking.
Another thing he does, which can get annoying at times, is ask "what's after bedtime?" Then, "what's after waking up time?" and further "what's after breakfast?" and on and on and on. Until you're at the next day and making up what's next. My word! That boy loves to hear himself speak!
Bman is also loquacious (look at my big word). The problem is, you can only understand about half of what he says. Power Ranger becomes "pow jane ger." It's an issue. So this Friday, we are starting speech therapy. ONE HOUR EVERY WEEK. Um, I don't know what kind of crazy that woman is, but Bman is NOT going to sit and work with her for an hour. Never gonna happen. That boy can't even sit still for a 20 minute cartoon! It's worth a shot though. The therapist, Jill, said that his main problem is enunciation. Sigh. I thought my kids were going to be perfect.
In other, unrelated, slightly strange, news, I got a random email today. From an old boyfriend. That I was engaged to. On my work email, of all places. Just a note to wish me a happy birthday. It was odd. I wrote back thanks, and the family is all fine. It was just so out of the blue. I haven't seen him, even in passing, in over two years. I run into his mom occasionally, because she works in the same school district as I do. Last I heard, he was married with a couple of kids. Dunno. It was nice of him to write though. I can't believe he remembered my birthday. I have NO IDEA when his is. Early in the year maybe?
I've been reading this devotional, Streams in the Desert. It is great! Today's entry really spoke to me:
No prayer is ever lost, or any prayer ever breathed in vain. There is no such thing as prayer unanswered or unnoticed by God, and some things we see as refusals or denials are simply delays. Christ sometimes delays His help so He may test our faith and energize our prayers. Our boat may be tossed by the waves while He continues to sleep, but He will awake before it sinks. He sleeps but He never oversleeps, for He is never too late.
Chew on that. I know, personally, there have been many times I've wondered if God was listening. Mostly when Cheeseman was so sick and in the hospital. Why couldn't he get well? Or when Hubs was struggling so hard with school. Why couldn't he do better? I know in my head that God is hearing me, and that He will do what is best according to His will. I just need to keep on praying, because God is hearing me and doing His thing.
"And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened...If you, then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11: 9-11, 13
Thursday, June 21, 2007
155.7
I have met my 10% Weight Watchers goal! YES!!!
I have been so good. Even after a weekend of home cooking and lemon pound cake. (Man, that stuff was good!) I still managed to lose weight!
This has been a good week. Hubs has been "officially" diagnosed with ADHD. That would not seem like a good thing, except that now we know how to work on getting him better. He is supposed to be starting some medication soon, that will help him stay more focused.
I led our Beth Moore study tonight. It was fun! I have been feeling a call toward leading a Bible study at our new church, so I wanted to try out leading with friends. I think it went well. I was thinking about a study of Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. It is such a good book! It has really made me look at my life and trying to find more balance between "doing" and "sitting". I am definitely a doer. What mom isn't? But I need to try and take more time to just sit and learn, and be with Jesus.
Only 3 more days till Disney World!!!! I think I may be even more excited than the kids. I know how awesome it is, so I have more anticipation!!!
I have been so good. Even after a weekend of home cooking and lemon pound cake. (Man, that stuff was good!) I still managed to lose weight!
This has been a good week. Hubs has been "officially" diagnosed with ADHD. That would not seem like a good thing, except that now we know how to work on getting him better. He is supposed to be starting some medication soon, that will help him stay more focused.
I led our Beth Moore study tonight. It was fun! I have been feeling a call toward leading a Bible study at our new church, so I wanted to try out leading with friends. I think it went well. I was thinking about a study of Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. It is such a good book! It has really made me look at my life and trying to find more balance between "doing" and "sitting". I am definitely a doer. What mom isn't? But I need to try and take more time to just sit and learn, and be with Jesus.
Only 3 more days till Disney World!!!! I think I may be even more excited than the kids. I know how awesome it is, so I have more anticipation!!!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
The Last Sunday
That we are going to "our" church. I will truly, truly miss NEUMC. Hubs and I have been attending church there since January of 2001. We went the first time by invitation of some of my students who were going there. Thanks Audrey and Ryan! Hubs got involved fairly quickly. It was my fault, really. I volunteered him to sing in the choir. Oops. Then, I also volunteered him to work with a small, student-led Bible study. He loved both! Soon, I was also involved with adult Bible study.
Then I got pregnant with Cheeseman. I volunteered that summer at VBS for the first time. It was scary! There was a little boy in my group who was SO HYPER! I just knew that my little one would be just like that. (which he is) Anyway, we continued volunteering with choir, youth, and children's ministries.
It has been the most wonderful experience. I would not trade it for the world.
My favorite thing about being there, though, has been the friendships I've made through singing with the Praise Team/Band and our Sunday school class. Yes, Sunday school for adults. These relationships have been the backbone for me especially. I have my closest friends there. Lisa, Shannon, Bonnie, Kay. These are my girls! And while it will be hard not to see them, not to sing with them, I know that we will survive this. Because God is part of these friendships. And I know He does not want them to end. I am not leaving my friends, just the building where I met them.
It has taken a lot for me to come to this realization. And yes, I did cry this morning, saying good-bye to the Band. But I know that they will always be with me. And I'll be singing with them on their non-Sunday-morning gigs. Like at Salkehatchie in a few weeks. It'll be okay. For them, and for me.
So while I'm still sad a little, from having to say farewell, I am okay. The Lord is standing next to me, holding my hand, helping me along this path that He wants us to take. He is making me stronger, and making my faith stronger as well. Together, I will get through this. I might even like it!
Then I got pregnant with Cheeseman. I volunteered that summer at VBS for the first time. It was scary! There was a little boy in my group who was SO HYPER! I just knew that my little one would be just like that. (which he is) Anyway, we continued volunteering with choir, youth, and children's ministries.
It has been the most wonderful experience. I would not trade it for the world.
My favorite thing about being there, though, has been the friendships I've made through singing with the Praise Team/Band and our Sunday school class. Yes, Sunday school for adults. These relationships have been the backbone for me especially. I have my closest friends there. Lisa, Shannon, Bonnie, Kay. These are my girls! And while it will be hard not to see them, not to sing with them, I know that we will survive this. Because God is part of these friendships. And I know He does not want them to end. I am not leaving my friends, just the building where I met them.
It has taken a lot for me to come to this realization. And yes, I did cry this morning, saying good-bye to the Band. But I know that they will always be with me. And I'll be singing with them on their non-Sunday-morning gigs. Like at Salkehatchie in a few weeks. It'll be okay. For them, and for me.
So while I'm still sad a little, from having to say farewell, I am okay. The Lord is standing next to me, holding my hand, helping me along this path that He wants us to take. He is making me stronger, and making my faith stronger as well. Together, I will get through this. I might even like it!
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Easter Eve
It's the day before the celebration of the resurrection of Our Lord. Tomorrow, the celebration of Christ's rising from the dead. His triumph, for our sake, over death.
Today, another egg hunt.
We went to Zachary's house. I think we were just invited because I'm the only person who has boys. All the other little ones there were girls. That's beside the point. Zachary's mom teaches kindergarten with my sister, and will be Cheeseman's teacher in a couple of years. We hope.
We went over around 2:00. The boys all played together. Everyone shared. They have a nice, new house. Really nice. We could have fit our entire house into 3/4 of their downstairs. Sigh. Maybe someday. Anyway, about 45 minutes later, the kids finally got to "hunt" for eggs. They were mostly out in the open, so there wasn't much hunting going on.
Cheeseman and B-man both got LOTS of eggs. The girls were all going after the pink and purple eggs. My boys just picked up whatever they came across. Then they got sidetracked by the play area. It came complete with a lizard! They jumped a bit on the trampoline, but it was cold outside. So that didn't last too long. The parents couldn't stand being out in the cold any longer.
Such a change from last weekend, when we were all in shorts. Today, I had on jeans, a long sleeve tee, and a sweater. And I was still cold. Crazy. I'm not even sure I can wear my pretty new Easter dress tomorrow, because the high is only supposed to be in the mid-50s!
Hubs is at work. He worked last night too, so I got to watch the Devil Wears Prada. It was cute. Pretty predictable. But something I wouldn't have gotten to see if he'd been home. Now I'm out of movies though. I'll have Pirates of the Caribbean for next weekend though. Looking forward to that one! I've never seen the first one, just the second. I thought it was the first one while I was watching it, then Hubs informed me that it was actually the second one. I was like, why did you let me watch it then!? He shrugged and couldn't believe I hadn't seen the first one. What? When would I have had time to do that?
Well, gotta go stuff eggs for the morning. Have a Happy Easter! Praise the Lord!
Today, another egg hunt.
We went to Zachary's house. I think we were just invited because I'm the only person who has boys. All the other little ones there were girls. That's beside the point. Zachary's mom teaches kindergarten with my sister, and will be Cheeseman's teacher in a couple of years. We hope.
We went over around 2:00. The boys all played together. Everyone shared. They have a nice, new house. Really nice. We could have fit our entire house into 3/4 of their downstairs. Sigh. Maybe someday. Anyway, about 45 minutes later, the kids finally got to "hunt" for eggs. They were mostly out in the open, so there wasn't much hunting going on.
Cheeseman and B-man both got LOTS of eggs. The girls were all going after the pink and purple eggs. My boys just picked up whatever they came across. Then they got sidetracked by the play area. It came complete with a lizard! They jumped a bit on the trampoline, but it was cold outside. So that didn't last too long. The parents couldn't stand being out in the cold any longer.
Such a change from last weekend, when we were all in shorts. Today, I had on jeans, a long sleeve tee, and a sweater. And I was still cold. Crazy. I'm not even sure I can wear my pretty new Easter dress tomorrow, because the high is only supposed to be in the mid-50s!
Hubs is at work. He worked last night too, so I got to watch the Devil Wears Prada. It was cute. Pretty predictable. But something I wouldn't have gotten to see if he'd been home. Now I'm out of movies though. I'll have Pirates of the Caribbean for next weekend though. Looking forward to that one! I've never seen the first one, just the second. I thought it was the first one while I was watching it, then Hubs informed me that it was actually the second one. I was like, why did you let me watch it then!? He shrugged and couldn't believe I hadn't seen the first one. What? When would I have had time to do that?
Well, gotta go stuff eggs for the morning. Have a Happy Easter! Praise the Lord!
Friday, March 30, 2007
ch-ch-ch-changes
I'm trying so hard not to think. When I think, I feel. And when I feel, I cry. It's like something has dropped out of me. Like my chest is hollow, but still full of something. Something big and heavy. And it hurts me.
What is giong on? Last night, he was in tears wondering if being a pastor iswhat he really wants to do. He hadn't been to classesin nearly a week. Skipping because he felt overwhelmed. Like he was too far behind and wouldn't ever be able to get caught up again. He didn't wantto tell me. He'd flat out lied to me about it the other day. I knew something was wrong, and I kept asking him and asking hem, but he said it was nothing. Turns out it was something.
It's the depression again, I'm almost sure ofit. He feelsdisconnected from the churhc. Disconnected from us, his family. Disconnected from God. We haven't been worshipping together in a few months because of his internship assignment. He's had to go somewhere else every week for church. It's been hard. On all of us. Even Cheeseman wants to know why Daddy isn't going to church with us.
The breakdown came last night. He told me right before we left for Holy Grounds. Said he hasn't been going to classes all week. He wonders if this is really what he is supposed to be doing. Wonders if maybe he should not do the MDiv for ordination. That's fine. As long as he finishes the semester. We've put so much into this. He was going to talk to his professors about getting caught up. He was going to talk to Pastor Kevin about his calling.
Instead, our DS (the local head pastor guy) calls this morning offerring a student pastorship of a church about an hour from our house. It comes with a parsonage. Hubs has an hour to decide. He calls me, and my first instinct is to say no. It's too far, I can't commute that far every morning at 6:30 to be at work on time. Hubs tells him it is just not feasible right now. I can't commute, can't quit my job, it's not gonna happen.
So the DS calls back later in the day and offers him a student pastorship of a church which (I think) is even farther away. In some town I've never even heard of, and I've lived in this area for 16 years now. He'll have to do services on Sundays, and be available Saturdays and for funerals and stuff. I told him to do whatever he wanted.
What a mistake.
He said yes.
Now, I have to leave my home church. My friends. My singing. The kids Sunday school classes and friends. And it makes me want to die inside.
I know that as a pastor's wife, this is my life. Every few years, some DS is going to call us up and say it's time to move on. But you're never really ready for it. And I thought I had a couple more years until it was time. That I could mentally prepare. Extract myself from stuff so it wouldn't be so bad.
Who was I kidding? I don't want to ever leave our church. That is our family! And I know, consciously that God is everywhere, and we will meet perfectly nice people somewhere else, maybe in that new church, but it doesn't make the hurt stop.
It would be different if we were picking up and leaving. Really moving. Then we wouldn't have to still see people. Still drive past the church. Still feel the emptiness. We could make a clean break. I didn't do so well with this the last time, when we went to that church in Camden. I still wanted to be with my old friends. And being with them made the not being there hurt that much worse.
What am I going to do?
What is giong on? Last night, he was in tears wondering if being a pastor iswhat he really wants to do. He hadn't been to classesin nearly a week. Skipping because he felt overwhelmed. Like he was too far behind and wouldn't ever be able to get caught up again. He didn't wantto tell me. He'd flat out lied to me about it the other day. I knew something was wrong, and I kept asking him and asking hem, but he said it was nothing. Turns out it was something.
It's the depression again, I'm almost sure ofit. He feelsdisconnected from the churhc. Disconnected from us, his family. Disconnected from God. We haven't been worshipping together in a few months because of his internship assignment. He's had to go somewhere else every week for church. It's been hard. On all of us. Even Cheeseman wants to know why Daddy isn't going to church with us.
The breakdown came last night. He told me right before we left for Holy Grounds. Said he hasn't been going to classes all week. He wonders if this is really what he is supposed to be doing. Wonders if maybe he should not do the MDiv for ordination. That's fine. As long as he finishes the semester. We've put so much into this. He was going to talk to his professors about getting caught up. He was going to talk to Pastor Kevin about his calling.
Instead, our DS (the local head pastor guy) calls this morning offerring a student pastorship of a church about an hour from our house. It comes with a parsonage. Hubs has an hour to decide. He calls me, and my first instinct is to say no. It's too far, I can't commute that far every morning at 6:30 to be at work on time. Hubs tells him it is just not feasible right now. I can't commute, can't quit my job, it's not gonna happen.
So the DS calls back later in the day and offers him a student pastorship of a church which (I think) is even farther away. In some town I've never even heard of, and I've lived in this area for 16 years now. He'll have to do services on Sundays, and be available Saturdays and for funerals and stuff. I told him to do whatever he wanted.
What a mistake.
He said yes.
Now, I have to leave my home church. My friends. My singing. The kids Sunday school classes and friends. And it makes me want to die inside.
I know that as a pastor's wife, this is my life. Every few years, some DS is going to call us up and say it's time to move on. But you're never really ready for it. And I thought I had a couple more years until it was time. That I could mentally prepare. Extract myself from stuff so it wouldn't be so bad.
Who was I kidding? I don't want to ever leave our church. That is our family! And I know, consciously that God is everywhere, and we will meet perfectly nice people somewhere else, maybe in that new church, but it doesn't make the hurt stop.
It would be different if we were picking up and leaving. Really moving. Then we wouldn't have to still see people. Still drive past the church. Still feel the emptiness. We could make a clean break. I didn't do so well with this the last time, when we went to that church in Camden. I still wanted to be with my old friends. And being with them made the not being there hurt that much worse.
What am I going to do?
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Wonderings
I am sitting here at the computer, finished uploading Cheeseman's latest soccer pictures (2 goals!), and I grabbed a book that Hubs has sitting next to the bed. I had picked it up before and read just the first chapter, but I wasn't really paying attention. It was just surface reading, ya know. But I'm bored and not quite tired enough to go to sleep. So I'm reading this book, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, and it's "nonreligious thoughts on Christian spirituality." Which intrigues me, now that I'm paying attention to it. I want to know what that means, so now I'm paying attention.
I get to the third chapter, where he's talking about magic. And the elements of a story. It seems kind of unrelated like that, but it all ties together nicely when you read it.
So there's this quote: "I liked the idea of Jesus becoming man, so that we would be able to trust Him..."
Because we don't generally trust people that we don't know. Why would we want to believe in a god whom we could never see. One who just said - hey, come follow me! Worship me! Believe in me, because I will make you whole.
Seriously? Not gonna happen.
But instead, our God became man. He walked among us, doing good and healing others. Loving everyone regardless of who they were or what they had done. He came to us so that we could see Him, hear Him, touch Him, see what He is all about. He gave us a blueprint, a map of sorts, to follow so that we could be like Him.
What better way to help people believe than to come and live among us?
And what do we do? Are we loving others? Are we doing good? I know you can't earn your way to heaven, but we are supposed to strive to be more like Christ. By believing in Him, and trying to follow His example, it's supposed to make us want to do better. To want to BE better.
What have I done to be more like Christ?
I get to the third chapter, where he's talking about magic. And the elements of a story. It seems kind of unrelated like that, but it all ties together nicely when you read it.
So there's this quote: "I liked the idea of Jesus becoming man, so that we would be able to trust Him..."
Because we don't generally trust people that we don't know. Why would we want to believe in a god whom we could never see. One who just said - hey, come follow me! Worship me! Believe in me, because I will make you whole.
Seriously? Not gonna happen.
But instead, our God became man. He walked among us, doing good and healing others. Loving everyone regardless of who they were or what they had done. He came to us so that we could see Him, hear Him, touch Him, see what He is all about. He gave us a blueprint, a map of sorts, to follow so that we could be like Him.
What better way to help people believe than to come and live among us?
And what do we do? Are we loving others? Are we doing good? I know you can't earn your way to heaven, but we are supposed to strive to be more like Christ. By believing in Him, and trying to follow His example, it's supposed to make us want to do better. To want to BE better.
What have I done to be more like Christ?
Monday, March 12, 2007
Living Between the Trees
I went to Holy Grounds last week. It's our mid-week "worship" service at our church. There's coffee, tea, cookies, some music and a message. Often the message is a discussion. About how Christ fits into life today, and how we grow in our faith and show it day to day. It's really fun and inspiring. Definitely gives you a lift.
Last week, we had a small discussion then watched a short video. It was by a guy named Rob Bell. Check him out. He's got such a gift for teaching and living God's Word.
Anyway, he was talking about our role on earth. It started in Genesis, when God created man and woman. There was the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It ends in Revelation, where there is a Tree of Life. And we are here, living now, between the Trees.
He talked about not just being here, waiting for the end of our life so that we can get to the next. It's not about just being here, taking up space, waiting for the end. It's about working to make this world that we live in a better place. It's about making our world as much like the Kingdom as we can in the time we have. It's about helping others, planting trees, making disciples, making ourselves better.
It's not like we have to earn what we're getting, God has graciously given it to us. This whole big world, with all its niceties and craziness. What a gift!
What do you think? I know I haven't explained it very well. I wish I could find the DVD and see it again. Maybe I should ask Fred.
Last week, we had a small discussion then watched a short video. It was by a guy named Rob Bell. Check him out. He's got such a gift for teaching and living God's Word.
Anyway, he was talking about our role on earth. It started in Genesis, when God created man and woman. There was the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It ends in Revelation, where there is a Tree of Life. And we are here, living now, between the Trees.
He talked about not just being here, waiting for the end of our life so that we can get to the next. It's not about just being here, taking up space, waiting for the end. It's about working to make this world that we live in a better place. It's about making our world as much like the Kingdom as we can in the time we have. It's about helping others, planting trees, making disciples, making ourselves better.
It's not like we have to earn what we're getting, God has graciously given it to us. This whole big world, with all its niceties and craziness. What a gift!
What do you think? I know I haven't explained it very well. I wish I could find the DVD and see it again. Maybe I should ask Fred.
Friday, January 05, 2007
No Good, Very Bad Day
I feel sick. This can't be happening.
I saw the story on the news this morning about a plane losing radar contact last night. It was foggy around the airport. The local boys were out looking for the plane, they thought it went down. They found it once the fog lifted, only a mile from the airport. It was on it's final descent toward the runway. And it crashed.
It happens all the time, plane crashes. But it doesn't always crash on my friends. Derek, my buddy, my pal. When I was pregnant with B, he would come up to me every Sunday and rub my belly. He gave the greatest hugs! He wasn't a big guy, just portly. But he would HUG you. And he had the softest leather jacket.
His wife, Lisa, is one of my best friends. We sing together in the Praise band at church. She just took over as the worship leader last week. She is so sweet and caring. She was one of the first people I told when I was pregnant with B. She'll watch my kids at the drop of a hat, and loves them like they were hers too.
Her kids are good buddies with my two. Henry and Cheeseman are in the same Sunday school class. They're only 9 months apart in age. Emma is such a sweetheart. She's almost 8 now, and such a girl. She's not real frilly, but she's so funny! I sat next to her at dinner a couple weeks ago, and she cracked me up!
I can't believe he's gone. How is it possible? How could God take that wonderful man from his family? I don't understand. He was the breadwinner, the spiritual head, the daddy. It just doesn't make sense.
I know he's with Jesus. Derek was such a strong Christian. He and Lisa started a non-profit last year to bring beautiful art to those least able to have it. He taught a pottery class up at the church. They taught Sunday school together! Maybe he was just so good, God needed him up there to show the rest of us the way.
I will miss Derek so much. If he can read this, I hope he knows that I love him and will never forget him.
I saw the story on the news this morning about a plane losing radar contact last night. It was foggy around the airport. The local boys were out looking for the plane, they thought it went down. They found it once the fog lifted, only a mile from the airport. It was on it's final descent toward the runway. And it crashed.
It happens all the time, plane crashes. But it doesn't always crash on my friends. Derek, my buddy, my pal. When I was pregnant with B, he would come up to me every Sunday and rub my belly. He gave the greatest hugs! He wasn't a big guy, just portly. But he would HUG you. And he had the softest leather jacket.
His wife, Lisa, is one of my best friends. We sing together in the Praise band at church. She just took over as the worship leader last week. She is so sweet and caring. She was one of the first people I told when I was pregnant with B. She'll watch my kids at the drop of a hat, and loves them like they were hers too.
Her kids are good buddies with my two. Henry and Cheeseman are in the same Sunday school class. They're only 9 months apart in age. Emma is such a sweetheart. She's almost 8 now, and such a girl. She's not real frilly, but she's so funny! I sat next to her at dinner a couple weeks ago, and she cracked me up!
I can't believe he's gone. How is it possible? How could God take that wonderful man from his family? I don't understand. He was the breadwinner, the spiritual head, the daddy. It just doesn't make sense.
I know he's with Jesus. Derek was such a strong Christian. He and Lisa started a non-profit last year to bring beautiful art to those least able to have it. He taught a pottery class up at the church. They taught Sunday school together! Maybe he was just so good, God needed him up there to show the rest of us the way.
I will miss Derek so much. If he can read this, I hope he knows that I love him and will never forget him.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
More blessings, and more
I wanted everyone to know that I've added more Christmas pictures to the Tour. Sorry about the delay.
Also, there have been even more blessings since Friday afternoon. That night, a friend of mine came by the bookstore to visit for a few minutes. She brought a small gift with her. It was gift cards to the movies. We had talked at church the previous Sunday about how Hubs and I always go to the movies for our birthdays. She knows that his bday is this week, so she and her husband decided to help us continue our bday tradition. And she even offered to watch the boys!
This morning at church, there was another mysterious envelope waiting for us. Inside was note that said someone wanted to help us out and "it isn't much." Just a Target gift card worth $150! Hubs and I are completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from this congregation. Obviously, the Spirit of God has moved into our congregation and is moving them this holiday. I am so greatful to all the wonderful people who have helped make this Christmas so special for us!
And so you know, Hubs and I are planning on writing a Thank You to our special Christmas angels and putting it in the church bulletin next Sunday. Even though we don't know who they are, we want them to know how much their gifts are appreciated.
In an unrelated note, my sister passed her National Board Certification for kindergarten! Yay! Now she gets a HUGE pay raise and mucho respect. She and her husgand are talking about having a second child now that they can pay for daycare. I am so excited! I hope they decide to have LOTS of babies! Yippee!
Also, there have been even more blessings since Friday afternoon. That night, a friend of mine came by the bookstore to visit for a few minutes. She brought a small gift with her. It was gift cards to the movies. We had talked at church the previous Sunday about how Hubs and I always go to the movies for our birthdays. She knows that his bday is this week, so she and her husband decided to help us continue our bday tradition. And she even offered to watch the boys!
This morning at church, there was another mysterious envelope waiting for us. Inside was note that said someone wanted to help us out and "it isn't much." Just a Target gift card worth $150! Hubs and I are completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from this congregation. Obviously, the Spirit of God has moved into our congregation and is moving them this holiday. I am so greatful to all the wonderful people who have helped make this Christmas so special for us!
And so you know, Hubs and I are planning on writing a Thank You to our special Christmas angels and putting it in the church bulletin next Sunday. Even though we don't know who they are, we want them to know how much their gifts are appreciated.
In an unrelated note, my sister passed her National Board Certification for kindergarten! Yay! Now she gets a HUGE pay raise and mucho respect. She and her husgand are talking about having a second child now that they can pay for daycare. I am so excited! I hope they decide to have LOTS of babies! Yippee!
Friday, December 15, 2006
Christmas Blessings
I don't have much time, as I'm leaving for work in about 40 minutes. But I'm feeling particularly blessed today, so I thought I would share some blessings with you.
These Christmas Pooh's are the first things you see when you come through our front door. I collected them back when I worked at the Disney Store in college. Some are limited edition.
Give me a break! I am working two jobs right now. I'll post more pics when we can actually put presents under the tree.
Hubs and I are well loved. We have some awesome friends! In the mail this week, we received an anonymous Christmas card from someone at church. Enclosed was a $100 Wal-Mart gift card. Yesterday, also at church, Hubs received another anonymous card. Enclosed was a check for $300. Today, I got a card from the other teachers in the magnet program where I teach. Enclosed were 2-$100 gift cards from "Santa" for my boys.
I guess I shouldn't be amazed any more by how the Lord takes care of His own. I know that there are some truly wonderful Christmas angels out there. I wish I could thank them all by name, but I will have to settle for saying a generic "Thanks and God Bless" instead.
I leave you with some scenes from our Christmas tree.
The boys in front of the Christmas tree.
These Christmas Pooh's are the first things you see when you come through our front door. I collected them back when I worked at the Disney Store in college. Some are limited edition.
This scene is on top of the entertainment center. We keep our Christmas cards in the snowman at the left. The Santa was a gift, and he's really cool. Note also the wedding photos on the wall.
This is our mantle. LOVE our stockings. Thanks, LL Bean! The nativity is made of olive wood from Isreal. Hubs and I bought it our first married Christmas. (We had to glue a wise man back on this year though. Oops!)
Be sure to visit BooMama's Christmas Tour of Homes to see some real holiday cheer:
Give me a break! I am working two jobs right now. I'll post more pics when we can actually put presents under the tree.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Happy Turkeys
I am so frustrated. Honestly. You'd think I wasn't working two jobs, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and taking care of two kids. I'd love to sit around a library all day, or in class, learning. Taking notes. Learning. What a concept! If we could switch, that would be awesome.
I'm not asking for much. Just fold the clothes when you do the laundry. Don't just dump them on the lounger and let them sit for 3 days. Empty the garbage when it's full. Put your cereal bowl in the dishwasher! Geez! You're 28 years old! You know how to open the damn dishwasher. I am not your mom!
Who, by the way, decided to clean the kitchen when she came for Thanksgiving. Hubs asked her TWICE to stop wiping up the counters and sink - WITH. A. SPONGE. of all things - but she said she didn't have anything else to do. Um, try playing with your grandsons, you old cow! Good Lord! I even sent the boys outside so that she would get out of the house and let Hubs cook in peace. But NOOOOOOOO!!!! I thought I was going to lose it. Really.
There. I said it. And yes, in my previous post, I remarked about how I am greatful for such generous in-laws. And I am. I really am. But I need her to NOT clean my counters. with a sponge. Did I mention she used a sponge???? The nastiest germ-carrying option. Does she not watch Oprah? NO. She's too busy cleaning my kitchen!
Okay, I'm done.
And tonight my mom was on my case about wanting to make sure that Cheeseboy goes to Sunday School every week. Does she not get that Hubs is studying to be a pastor? And that we are VERY involved in our church? And that my child's walk with Christ is the most important thing in his young life? She was actually giving me a hard time. And accusing me of accusing HER of being a bad grandma. I said no such thing. Nothing!
But does she not remember skipping church A LOT when I was young? We hardly ever went. She thinks this is all Hubs' doing. "You sound like your husband!" she says. Like it's a bad thing that God is important to us. You'd think a parent would be proud that her daughter is so committed to walking with the Lord.
Whatever. I have more things to rant about, but I have a ton of papers to grade that are leftover from my Thanksgiving "break" from school that wasn't really a "break" because I was working 40 hours at my other part-time job that I have because Hubs is in school and incapable of working. Did I mention that my mom is on his case for that too? It's been a fun week.
I'm not asking for much. Just fold the clothes when you do the laundry. Don't just dump them on the lounger and let them sit for 3 days. Empty the garbage when it's full. Put your cereal bowl in the dishwasher! Geez! You're 28 years old! You know how to open the damn dishwasher. I am not your mom!
Who, by the way, decided to clean the kitchen when she came for Thanksgiving. Hubs asked her TWICE to stop wiping up the counters and sink - WITH. A. SPONGE. of all things - but she said she didn't have anything else to do. Um, try playing with your grandsons, you old cow! Good Lord! I even sent the boys outside so that she would get out of the house and let Hubs cook in peace. But NOOOOOOOO!!!! I thought I was going to lose it. Really.
There. I said it. And yes, in my previous post, I remarked about how I am greatful for such generous in-laws. And I am. I really am. But I need her to NOT clean my counters. with a sponge. Did I mention she used a sponge???? The nastiest germ-carrying option. Does she not watch Oprah? NO. She's too busy cleaning my kitchen!
Okay, I'm done.
And tonight my mom was on my case about wanting to make sure that Cheeseboy goes to Sunday School every week. Does she not get that Hubs is studying to be a pastor? And that we are VERY involved in our church? And that my child's walk with Christ is the most important thing in his young life? She was actually giving me a hard time. And accusing me of accusing HER of being a bad grandma. I said no such thing. Nothing!
But does she not remember skipping church A LOT when I was young? We hardly ever went. She thinks this is all Hubs' doing. "You sound like your husband!" she says. Like it's a bad thing that God is important to us. You'd think a parent would be proud that her daughter is so committed to walking with the Lord.
Whatever. I have more things to rant about, but I have a ton of papers to grade that are leftover from my Thanksgiving "break" from school that wasn't really a "break" because I was working 40 hours at my other part-time job that I have because Hubs is in school and incapable of working. Did I mention that my mom is on his case for that too? It's been a fun week.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Getting Into the Spirit
Having been sent over by BooMama to A Broad In Athens, I was inspired to make a list of the 20 things I'm most thankful for (in no particular order):
1. I'm thankful for those two sweet little boys who still like to cuddle on the couch with their mom.
2. I'm thankful for my job, even if I don't always like it.
3. I'm thankful for my students, especially when they have an "a-ha" moment.
4. I'm thankful that my car is still running.
5. I'm thankful that the Hubs didn't have a complete breakdown during his last depressed episode.
6. I'm thankful that my mom lives nearby and is willing to watch my kids almost any time I need her.
7. I'm thankful that my sister, her husband, and my niece live close enough that the boys can get to know their cousin.
8. I'm thankful that for the most part, Colby is doing a great job at school and is learning so much!
9. I am thankful that we found such an awesome in-home daycare for Bennett, and that it is right up the street!
10. I am thankful that I get to be surrounded by books at my "other" job in the bookstore. How blessed am I!
11. I am thankful that my dad cares enough about his grandsons that he is willing to drive 6 hours to come visit for a day.
12. I'm thankful that my cousin was admitted to the bar in SC. This may prompt his mom (my fave aunt) to come live here. She is DREAM with the kids!
13. I'm thankful for the new friends I'm making at church.
14. I'm thankful that these new friends have kids almost the exact same ages as Colby and Bennett. Built in play dates!
15. I'm thankful that every Sunday, I get to help lead the congregation in worshipping the Lord. Every Sunday!
16. I am thankful for my wonderful husband who has the courage to follow his call and become a pastor.
17. I am thankful for the Internet, without which I would not have such a great relationship to my extended family. Thanks be to God for myfamily.com!
18. I am thankful that I will be getting my very own classroom again in January! Patience pays off!
19. I'm thankful for my in-laws (there, I said it), who are willing to write a check to their son and daughter-in-law because we are in financial difficulties.
20. I am thankful for my mom's partner who is so generous, that she buys us groceries. She also loves me, and my kids, like we were born of her own flesh. Sometimes, I think she loves us more than my mom does.
So, what are you thankful for?
1. I'm thankful for those two sweet little boys who still like to cuddle on the couch with their mom.
2. I'm thankful for my job, even if I don't always like it.
3. I'm thankful for my students, especially when they have an "a-ha" moment.
4. I'm thankful that my car is still running.
5. I'm thankful that the Hubs didn't have a complete breakdown during his last depressed episode.
6. I'm thankful that my mom lives nearby and is willing to watch my kids almost any time I need her.
7. I'm thankful that my sister, her husband, and my niece live close enough that the boys can get to know their cousin.
8. I'm thankful that for the most part, Colby is doing a great job at school and is learning so much!
9. I am thankful that we found such an awesome in-home daycare for Bennett, and that it is right up the street!
10. I am thankful that I get to be surrounded by books at my "other" job in the bookstore. How blessed am I!
11. I am thankful that my dad cares enough about his grandsons that he is willing to drive 6 hours to come visit for a day.
12. I'm thankful that my cousin was admitted to the bar in SC. This may prompt his mom (my fave aunt) to come live here. She is DREAM with the kids!
13. I'm thankful for the new friends I'm making at church.
14. I'm thankful that these new friends have kids almost the exact same ages as Colby and Bennett. Built in play dates!
15. I'm thankful that every Sunday, I get to help lead the congregation in worshipping the Lord. Every Sunday!
16. I am thankful for my wonderful husband who has the courage to follow his call and become a pastor.
17. I am thankful for the Internet, without which I would not have such a great relationship to my extended family. Thanks be to God for myfamily.com!
18. I am thankful that I will be getting my very own classroom again in January! Patience pays off!
19. I'm thankful for my in-laws (there, I said it), who are willing to write a check to their son and daughter-in-law because we are in financial difficulties.
20. I am thankful for my mom's partner who is so generous, that she buys us groceries. She also loves me, and my kids, like we were born of her own flesh. Sometimes, I think she loves us more than my mom does.
So, what are you thankful for?
Sunday, October 01, 2006
On My Journey
When I was a little girl, we would go to church occasionally. My mom is Catholic, my dad is Lutheran. Neither was what you would call a regular. In fact, my did pretty much only went to church to see one of us kids get baptised, celebrate first communion, or get confirmed. Otherwise, he did not darken the doors of a church. There is a story there, but it's not mine to tell.
Mostly, we'd go maybe once a month. I remember we went a little more often once we moved to Mississippi. The church there was nice. I liked the Father. He was nice. But he left after a year, and I didn't really want to go much after that. Then, my parents split up. My mom moved out. I was devestated. She would still come over before and after school every day, but it wasn't the same.
After a couple of years, my dad started going to church again. So some Sundays we'd go to the Catholic church with my mom, and some we'd go to the Lutheran church with Dad. I still wasn't that into it, it was just something we did. Then Dad got remarried, and he got more serious about church. He went EVERY week. Then, and this was a real kicker, he decided he wanted to go to Seminary. So we moved to SC.
My mom managed to find a job out here and she followed us. If I went to church at all, it was to Catholic church. I didn't want to go with Dad. I guess I was still rebelling and angry at moving. I tried going to CYO, but all the kids went to a different high school, so I didn't really fit in.
When I went off to Furman, I started attending Mass on campus. I met some really nice people, and started to go every week. I sang with our little group during Mass. It was fun. I met a nice boy and started dating him. This went on for a couple of years. We even got engaged. But my heart wasn't in any of it. Not Mass, not singing, not dating Chris. Senior year, I broke it off with him, once and for all. I stopped going to Mass.
I went on foreign study that winter. I traveled to Egypt, Jordan, Isreal, and Italy. It was AWESOME!!! I was so blessed to have those experiences. But I saw things there that really shook me. The Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem. The church in Cana, where Jesus turned water into wine. The Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, where Christians/Orthodox can't seem to share and get along. The final straw was St. Peter's in Vatican City. The hugeness, the ornateness, the works of art, the splendor. I couldn't reconcile this with what I thought Christianity was all about: helping the poor, being a good person, living a simpler life. When I got home from foreign study, that was it. I told my mom that I didn't want to attend church anymore. I told my dad. They were not happy about that. But they gave me space.
After graduation, I started dating Weston. After a few months, he invited me to go to church with him. He taught a class of senior citizens, his "grandmothers". They were sweet. His church embraced me with open arms. I went to Sunday school, worship, Wednesday night fellowship. The pastor, Don, was such a great guy! He listed when I talked.
I watched the way Weston lived his life, how at peace he seemed. And I wanted some of that. I joined his church, and it was a great fit. But I still felt like something was missing.
When we moved to Columbia for my job, we didn't go to church right at first. Then a couple of my students mentioned their church to me. I thought, Why not? And then I met Pastor Barrett. It seemed like every Sunday, he spoke to me. He challenged me to do more, to be more. I got involved with Bible school, took Disciple Bible study, started going to Sunday school. And I felt alive! I couldn't get enough of Jesus and His Word. I wanted to know His plan, to make sure I was following His lead. I made friends. I had found a church home.
So, that's where I am. I have added singing in the Praise Team to my list of church activities now. I love to sing, and I love to praise God. We've got a new pastor, Kevin, now. He's not the same as Pastor Barrett (whom I miss terribly), but he's also a great spiritual guide. Weston and I have dedicated our lives, and our children, to Christ. We've had a few bumpy spots. Even starting Seminary isn't easy. I pray multiple times a day, sometimes continuously, about everything. Traffic, tests, the kids, books, you name it.
Was there one specific day where everything changed? When I gave my life over to Christ? No. It's been a gradual process, started by my husband. He didn't know he was planting a seed. He was just being his usual,wonderful self. He turned me on to things I didn't even know I was missing. I'm so glad he has been my partner through this.
It's all about the journey. And I'm so glad to be on it.
Thanks to Lauren at Created for HIS Glory for this Bloggy Tour of Testimonies.
Mostly, we'd go maybe once a month. I remember we went a little more often once we moved to Mississippi. The church there was nice. I liked the Father. He was nice. But he left after a year, and I didn't really want to go much after that. Then, my parents split up. My mom moved out. I was devestated. She would still come over before and after school every day, but it wasn't the same.
After a couple of years, my dad started going to church again. So some Sundays we'd go to the Catholic church with my mom, and some we'd go to the Lutheran church with Dad. I still wasn't that into it, it was just something we did. Then Dad got remarried, and he got more serious about church. He went EVERY week. Then, and this was a real kicker, he decided he wanted to go to Seminary. So we moved to SC.
My mom managed to find a job out here and she followed us. If I went to church at all, it was to Catholic church. I didn't want to go with Dad. I guess I was still rebelling and angry at moving. I tried going to CYO, but all the kids went to a different high school, so I didn't really fit in.
When I went off to Furman, I started attending Mass on campus. I met some really nice people, and started to go every week. I sang with our little group during Mass. It was fun. I met a nice boy and started dating him. This went on for a couple of years. We even got engaged. But my heart wasn't in any of it. Not Mass, not singing, not dating Chris. Senior year, I broke it off with him, once and for all. I stopped going to Mass.
I went on foreign study that winter. I traveled to Egypt, Jordan, Isreal, and Italy. It was AWESOME!!! I was so blessed to have those experiences. But I saw things there that really shook me. The Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem. The church in Cana, where Jesus turned water into wine. The Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, where Christians/Orthodox can't seem to share and get along. The final straw was St. Peter's in Vatican City. The hugeness, the ornateness, the works of art, the splendor. I couldn't reconcile this with what I thought Christianity was all about: helping the poor, being a good person, living a simpler life. When I got home from foreign study, that was it. I told my mom that I didn't want to attend church anymore. I told my dad. They were not happy about that. But they gave me space.
After graduation, I started dating Weston. After a few months, he invited me to go to church with him. He taught a class of senior citizens, his "grandmothers". They were sweet. His church embraced me with open arms. I went to Sunday school, worship, Wednesday night fellowship. The pastor, Don, was such a great guy! He listed when I talked.
I watched the way Weston lived his life, how at peace he seemed. And I wanted some of that. I joined his church, and it was a great fit. But I still felt like something was missing.
When we moved to Columbia for my job, we didn't go to church right at first. Then a couple of my students mentioned their church to me. I thought, Why not? And then I met Pastor Barrett. It seemed like every Sunday, he spoke to me. He challenged me to do more, to be more. I got involved with Bible school, took Disciple Bible study, started going to Sunday school. And I felt alive! I couldn't get enough of Jesus and His Word. I wanted to know His plan, to make sure I was following His lead. I made friends. I had found a church home.
So, that's where I am. I have added singing in the Praise Team to my list of church activities now. I love to sing, and I love to praise God. We've got a new pastor, Kevin, now. He's not the same as Pastor Barrett (whom I miss terribly), but he's also a great spiritual guide. Weston and I have dedicated our lives, and our children, to Christ. We've had a few bumpy spots. Even starting Seminary isn't easy. I pray multiple times a day, sometimes continuously, about everything. Traffic, tests, the kids, books, you name it.
Was there one specific day where everything changed? When I gave my life over to Christ? No. It's been a gradual process, started by my husband. He didn't know he was planting a seed. He was just being his usual,wonderful self. He turned me on to things I didn't even know I was missing. I'm so glad he has been my partner through this.
It's all about the journey. And I'm so glad to be on it.
Thanks to Lauren at Created for HIS Glory for this Bloggy Tour of Testimonies.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Tour of Testimonies
Wanted to get the word out for Lauren about her Bloggy Tour of Testimonies. This sounds like a great opportunity to praise God and really get His name out there in blogland. I will be participating on Sunday, October 1. Mark your calendars now!
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