Running

I am not a runner. I hate running. It is tedious, boring, sweaty, and just all around no fun. I have never been a runner. I was a cheerleader in high school, back in the days when it was just pom poms. We just had to be skinny and cute.

I was those things: skinny and cute. I had the ability to eat whatever (Snickers or pizza and a Dr. Pepper every day for lunch!) and stay that way. I did not diet in high school. At least not that I remember.

In college, I wasn't terribly active. I cheered one basketball season, but wasn't able to overcome my fear of my life literally being held in someone's hands. I played soccer for my sorority's intramural team. For one season. But I stayed more or less the same size. I was doing okay.

Then, senior year happened. I moved in with some "sisters" upstairs from some frat boys. And I drank. A lot. Nearly every weekend that fall. There were some issues out there, involving a young man (or two), that I didn't know how to maturely handle. So I partied instead. During the day, I was unhappy. And when I wasn't in class, I drove my little Tercel with the sunroof open. I drove up toward the mountains with the music blaring. Trying to get myself out of my head.

Needless to say, it didn't work.

I went on foreign study and met a great guy. He didn't drink. Instead, he treated his body as a temple, the way God intended it. He ate right and worked out. I started jogging and using the Nordic ski thingy at the PAC. Then we broke up, and it was back to business as usual. I still tried to run some, but my heart wasn't in it.

After graduation, I started dating the guy (man) whom I would eventually marry. He was in ROTC and was very fit. Still is. He loves to run. Runs every other day. Would probably do it every day if I'd let him. Anyhoo, I still had issues with weight. I put it on, and couldn't seem to keep it off. I used the gym membership that came with my first apartment.

Then we got married. I gained 10 pounds. My new husband could COOK! We bought a house, I gained more. We had a baby, then another two years later. The weight wouldn't leave. I tried joining a gym. I tried different kinds of diets. Nothing worked. Until something did.

A couple of years ago, I found a very low-carb diet. Coupled with the Zumba classes I loved, it did the trick. I lost 35 pounds! Then, we had another baby. Now, I'm losing and gaining the same 5 to 10 pounds over and over again. I'm trying to eat the right things. And I've started running again. Ick. I wish I could fit the Zumba back into life, but I don't have time to stand in lines. And my sweet hubby is rarely home in time for me to make it to a 6:00 class. (Excuses. Hear 'em?)

I also have issues with food. I eat, a lot. Sometimes, I don't know why I eat. It's not like I'm hungry all the time. I just get bored, or sad, or happy, or whatever. And I want to eat. Summer is the worst time for this. Especially when I'm home all day, in a house with three kids.

I'm working on it. Working it out, I guess. Running and fighting myself every day.

A Whole Year

I just realized that I have been doing this for a whole year. I have kept up a hobby for more than a few months. And Hubs said I have a short attention span. This from the poster child for ADHD. Geez! I am so excited! A whole year! Amazing!

Happy 18th Anniversary to Dad and Glenna!

Anyway, this was not a good day for me. The beginning showed some promise. Cheeseman got up early but Hubs took him and Bman out to the living room to play. I got to sleep in about another hour. Yay! Had some fruit for breakfast. Then Hubs left for church, and I finished getting the boys ready.

We walked over a little before Sunday school time. The boys played in the nursery until Cheeseman's teacher got there. Still, no problems. Bman stayed in the nursery, playing with all the little cars and such. He was having a great time with the tractor.

Then we went upstairs to the sanctuary for the worship service. And it all fell apart. Suddenly, Cheeseman and Bman were devil children. They would not sit still. They colored on my nice, white pants. (I know, what was I thinking?) Bman started running up and down the middle aisle! During the opening prayer! I was mortified! As soon as Hubs finished with the children's moments, I took them both out. Back to the nursery.

That lasted about 15 minutes. Then they started fighting over the plastic slide. It was awful. They were yelling, and it was hurting my ears. So I walked them back home. Of course, then they just kept on. And they found their little plastic guns, so they started shooting each other too.

I was livid! We only have communion once a month at PUMC, and this was the week. So I missed it. I missed Hubs' sermon again. I missed singing. I missed the whole dang service! And I actually look forward to it every week! I have just begun being a Pastor's wife, so I have not yet learned to hate it. Not that I would, but I really like going to church. I hope this is not going to be a weekly thing. And the problem is, my two are the youngest in the whole church. There is no one in the nursery to staff it during worship. No one else needs it. Just me. And I have no help, because Hubs is up front leading the service! Argh!!! I thought the crayons and coloring books would help! What do I do??????

Anyway, the boys beat each other up most of the afternoon, until Bman passed out from exhaustion during the reading of Jonah. Hubs was also taking a nap. Then finally Cheeseman fell asleep, but not until AFTER his colostomy bag leaked and I had to change it. Again.

What a day!

Oh, and did I mention that we ate at Mom and Jane's tonight? I had 2 helpings of spaghetti. 2 pieces of cheesy bread. AND ice cream with chocolate syrup. It would not have been so bad if we hadn't eaten at McDonald's last night. I am out of flex points for the week already! And last week I put on 4 pounds while at Disney. I am feeling really dejected right now.

154.5

Yowzers! Jeepers! I have no idea what I am doing to lose this weight. I didn't work out yesterday at all. I even ate a half a slice of the lemon pound cake. I may have to ask the Braggs to bake us another one, since every day I've eaten it I've lost weight. Hmm... lemon pound cake leads to weight loss. I like it! I should write a book!

Packing for the weekend in Pageland and the week in Disney. Should be fun!!! Must do the last load of laundry. Must also get a shower gift for next weekend. Or maybe we'll pick them up something at Disney. I don't think Chris or Kristen is into Disney. Oh well. And Nikki dropped off her laptop yesterday, so now I can upload photos from the camera every day. I was starting to think we'd have to buy a new memory card! I plan on taking plenty of pics of the boys. Maybe not as many as Nikki takes of Madison, but enough for us. I don't want them to ever forget their first trip to the happiest place on earth!

155.7

I have met my 10% Weight Watchers goal! YES!!!

I have been so good. Even after a weekend of home cooking and lemon pound cake. (Man, that stuff was good!) I still managed to lose weight!

This has been a good week. Hubs has been "officially" diagnosed with ADHD. That would not seem like a good thing, except that now we know how to work on getting him better. He is supposed to be starting some medication soon, that will help him stay more focused.

I led our Beth Moore study tonight. It was fun! I have been feeling a call toward leading a Bible study at our new church, so I wanted to try out leading with friends. I think it went well. I was thinking about a study of Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. It is such a good book! It has really made me look at my life and trying to find more balance between "doing" and "sitting". I am definitely a doer. What mom isn't? But I need to try and take more time to just sit and learn, and be with Jesus.

Only 3 more days till Disney World!!!! I think I may be even more excited than the kids. I know how awesome it is, so I have more anticipation!!!

Doing Weight Watchers

I joined Weight Watchers on April 20. Originally, it was to take off some weight to look good in the bridesmaid's dress for my brother's wedding in July. And it was also a little because my pastor mentioned that he did it, and they were running a free week special. I figured if a GUY could stay on it, surely it couldn't be that hard.

The first week, I lost two pounds. It didn't seem like much, and my clothes were still tight. The next week, it was three. I had lost five pounds! That was exciting. The clothes were fitting better.

In the last three weeks, I've lost 6 more pounds. Bringing my total to 11! Wow! My new capris that I bought at Old Navy in April: too big. I put a pair on today to go to church and I had to belt them really close. I didn't want them to fall off when I was singing. It felt good. Even Hubs said that he could really tell I'd been losing when he looked at me in the mirror the other morning. I tend to stand around in my underwear while I'm doing my hair and makeup.

It has improved my life. I want to go shopping to buy some new clothes, but I'm going to wait. I don't want to buy a bunch of stuff now, then have it not fit in another month. As much as I love to shop, we just don't have the money for that kind of thing.

Also, I'm feeling much better about me. I've always had self-esteem issues. Since I was a teen. I know that, and I've tried to work through them. I'll be doing really well, then gain weight and feel bad again. The thing is, that doesn't just affect me, it also affects my marriage. When I feel bad about me, I don't want Hubs to want me. I feel like he can't possibly want to have sex with me when I'm looking (in my mind) fat. Then he feels rejected because I don't want to sleep with him, and it's an ugly cycle. We've been doing it ever since Cheeseman was born.

Now, though, I'm liking my body a bit more. And I want him to notice me. It's improving our marriage. Yay! Thank you, Weight Watchers, for helping my marriage!