Parenting Fail?

Today, I got the phone call that every parent dreads. The call from the teacher.
What had my little angel done? Was this a praise?

Um, no.

My middle son, B-rex, had gotten into a fight at school. As he put it, "a silly situation got away from (me)." He was trying to grab a necklace that a friend had on. And he ended up shoving, getting shoved, and "doing a belly-flop on" the other boy. Till he finally bit the other boy.

What?????!

Biting? What is he? Three?

Nope. He's nine.

Where did I go wrong? Did I not spank him enough as a toddler? Have I not set the right limits? He doesn't watch fighting. He doesn't have video games. He and his older brother fight, but that's normal for boys. Right?

And what now? We (my hubby and I) have decided that he's going to miss his Boy Scout camp out this weekend. Because he loves Boy Scouts and this will hurt.

Except now he's running around the house, playing with his 2-year-old brother.

Now what??? How do we correct this? How do you teach your son that it is NOT okay to invade someone's personal space?

I'm lost.

A Mother's Heart

Today, my heart is hurting. I have been praying for the town of Newtown, CT, since I first heard the terrible news this morning. A gunman. In an elementary school. Children dead.

I cannot even begin to fathom the pain of those parents, grandparents, and friends. I only know that as a mom, this is a nightmare. This is the dream that you have over and over, that you've lost your little one.

When I saw the news today (thanks, Twitter), my heartbeat doubled up. I live in South Carolina. Connecticut is far away. I'm not even sure how many states lie between CT and SC. Really. Geography is not my thing.

I knew, intellectually, that my children were safe at their school. My heart, though, was fearful. Because if it could happen there, what is keeping it from happening here? What makes their school so different from Sandy Hook?

The answer? Nothing.

And that's what made me hug my boys as I picked them up from school today, when they first climbed in. My 10-year-old cringed and pulled away. My 8-year-old hugged back, because he's not to the embarrassed stage yet. In my heart, and even in my head, I knew that it could so easily be them.

My boys are what I like to call high spirited. They play hard, they fight hard. And they have been fighting hard since they got home. I don't want to yell at them. Not today, when so many other mother's would give ANYTHING to be able to yell, just one more time, at their own little ones.

Since then, I have been crying, imagining what those mom's in Newtown must be feeling. The giant hole in their hearts that can never be filled. The missing sound of their little one's laughter. The empty bed, the empty booster seat in the car, the empty spot at the table. Nothing, for them, will ever be the same.

From one mom, to the moms of Newtown, CT, I pray for you. My heart goes out to you. You will never know me. But I grieve with you and for you. May God be with you.

May God be with all of us. 

Where Do I Go?

Dear Pastor,
I was able to overlook the first incident. When you told W what he couldn't wear to church as the lay leder. After all, what difference do the clothes make anyway? W says it's not a huge deal to him, so I accept it.

The second was a bit harder. When T took the reigns on finding a new FM coordinator, putting her own address and email on the forms, submitting them only God knows where, and "pre-screening" candidates. I was pretty upset when you told W to back off and stop irritating T. What she was doing was wrong, period. Against the spirit of the way the church committee was supposed to work. What's the point of having a committee, if you're just going to let one person do whatever s/he wants? At that point, I was willing, even wanting, to walk away. But I've been coming still, hoping things would be better. Hoping to respect you again.

Today, though, I'm done. When you take away my right, my obligation, to celebrate the Eucharist every Sunday, I am done. In your EMAIL, you said that there's no directive as to frequency in either the Bible or the Book of Discipline. Even if that is so, the history of this particular church is having Communion every week. We celebrate Christ's last supper because we are exhorted to as often as we can, whenever we're together. It is in the Bible.

You want to replace this part of church with an altar call. Really? This is NOT a tradition of this church. I'm not opposed to new things, but I don't see why you'd have to take out something so meaningful for something else. Couldn't you do it, as W suggested when we talked, during the last song? Or after the service?

So, you see, I'm fed up. I cannot worship in a place I don't recognize anymore. In a place that seems to be turning into something I don't like. I can't listen to someone who wants to change special things that should be left alone. Someone I don't respect.

I hope it goes well for you, Pastor. I hope this change brings about whatever you are trying to accomplish. I won't be there to find out.

Sincerely,
Me

Mad Crazy or Crazy Mad?

My best friend, W, is the lay leader at our church. If you are unfamiliar with this "job", let me explain. The lay leader is chosen by the church to assist the pastor with various duties on Sunday mornings. At our church, this includes praying for the congregation, helping with communion, and closing prayer. W also has other duties outside of Sunday mornings, like coordinating readers and assigning more communion help. He is also a member of every single committee of the church. He is the voice of the congregation to the pastor. This is NOT a paid position.

Last week, Pastor called W to a meeting. One of the things they discussed was W's attire on a Sunday morning. Some Sundays, he wears khakis and a button-down shirt or polo. Other Sundays, he wears jeans, but always with a dressy-ish shirt. Apparently, this is unacceptable. People have complained about the way he dresses. Not about his prayers, his attitude, but his CLOTHES.

W has been attending this church for over 10 years. He has always dressed this way. No one ever had a problem with this, until the past few months.

I don't understand. Did Jesus wear a suit and tie to the synagogue every week? I'm sure he didn't go unclean, as that would have violated sacred laws. But W isn't coming to church dirty. His jeans don't have holes in them. He is always dressed well.

Outside of our church, next to the road, there is a sign inviting people to "Come as you are...REALLY!" No, it really says that. Clearly, that doesn't mean much to these small-minded so-called Christians.