It occurs to me that maybe I have some issues. I happened across a seemingly harmless question over at mothergoosemouse. I read my response and realized that I need to get this out.
"We fight. We fight a lot. I work full time. Outside the home. With middle schoolers. He is a full-time grad student. At seminary. Studying to be a pastor. We fight about him not spending enough time with the family. About him needing to get off his butt and get a job. About ME having to get another job. About me not wanting to have sex because I’m so tired from working all day then taking care of the kids while he’s in class. But I love him and cannot imagine my life without him.
Our fighting is mostly just smartass comments said half-under-the-breath, then repeated loudly. There usually is a loud discussion next. Sometimes, there is yelling of the word “jackass”. (That’s me.) When I tell my friends about these things, they tell me he is selfish. I say that he just doesn’t look at things from my perspective. They say that is the same thing.
Let me reiterate. I love my man. I long to have him just hold me, because I’m always so exhausted. There is no one I’d rather fight with."
Now, I feel a little bit better. However, it worries me that we keep having these same arguments over and over, and things never seem to get resolved. Is that normal? Can a marriage survive when nothing ever changes. We've been having the sex fight since we had Colby, almost 4 years ago. It usually starts with me telling him no AGAIN for like the 5th night in a row. And he goes into his "you must not love me anymore" or "you don't find me attractive" whiny-thing. Which is totally not the case. I'm just tired! Why can't he understand that I'm just f*cking tired!?!
Then there's the "you don't spend enough time at home" fight. He's a volunteer with our youth group at church. He's in school full time during the day. I HATE that he spends most of his time hanging out with other people's kids, and not ours. I don't understand it. When I don't have to be at work, I leave. I don't volunteer to go back for more! He missed the first "real" Halloween with the kids last year because the youth group was having a pumpkin patch closing party. Both kids had dressed up (we had Buzz Lightyear and Woody the sherriff), and we went with my sister and her little girl. It was so fun! And he totally missed it. [That was last year. See what I mean about having issues?]
And now he wants to go into ministry full time. Allll the time. I know that being a pastor is a 24/7 kind of job. That there will be times when he has to go in the middle of dinner or whatever because of an emergency. I only hope that, by then, I will have learned to live with that. Any suggestions? And if anyone tells me to go talk to him, you know, when he gets back from the youth retreat tomorrow night, I will hunt you down and beat you.
I need a chocoate chip cookie!