Four years ago: There was a memorial service at a local church to commemorate the first anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Hubs wanted to go, but I wasn't feeling up to seeing people. I was 9 months pregnant and due in less than 2 weeks. About 8 o'clock, I was standing at the washing machine. I was loading the sheets and bed stuff for the new crib. My water broke. I called hubs to the hallway. We didn't know what to do. We called the doctor on call, and she said to go ahead to the hospital. They checked me out and said I was not leaving without a baby. They admitted me and started me on some kind of blood pressure medication. The next morning, they performed a c-section and I had my first little angel boy.
As I write this, I can still remember every feeling that night. I was so scared when I realized that I wasn't peeing myself, that something else was going on. Then I felt exhilaration. I was going to be a mommy! My heart pounded. We drove a little over the speed limit getting to the hospital. Oops. I stayed up all night with my friend Judy, who was also my doula. They tried to get me to have contractions, but nothing doing. I was dog tired in the morning. Judy left for about an hour to take her son to the doctor. Right after she left, the doctor came in and said You need to have this baby now. Um, okay. It was all so fast after that.
45 minutes later, I had Colby. I was kissing his tiny, perfect face. I couldn't see it too well, since I didn't have my contacts or glasses. They took him back to the nursery to bathe him and get him ready for his grand introduction. Hubs went with him. He couldn't stand to be away from his son, even for a moment.
The moment they brought Colby in to me, I knew this was it. I'd been waiting my whole life for this moment. Holding my newborn son. A new person. A miracle. A child of God. He was so little, just 6 lbs. 7 oz. He held my finger and looked up at me with those beautiful blue eyes. I fell madly, crazy in love. No one would ever hurt this little angel. He trusted me completely. And his eyes seemed to say 'It's okay mom. We can do this.' From the first sweet glance, he was mine. All mine. Four years later, and he's still my boy. I've tried so hard to do the right things. To make him a good little person, trustworthy, honest, loving. He's such a little man. Still, when I hold him (the few times a month he'll let me), his eyes seem to say 'It's okay, Mom. We can do this.' I love you, Colby. My angel boy. My sweet angel boy. Happy birthday!