Monday, September 18, 2006

OLTA: Week 5

Ugh! I did not even want to post today. I am fat. I am so fat. I am gaining weight because I am damned unhappy. Weight: 163. Ugh!

My grandma (dad's mom) passed away last Wednesday. I've been in a downward spiral ever since. All I want to do is sit around and eat peanut butter. Even chocolate doesn't make me feel better. (though I am digging the peanut butter m&m's) I miss Grandma so much! She was such a classy lady. And cool! She loved to watch Jeopardy and baseball. She was a huge Cardinals fan. She volunteered at church, at local charity shops. She liked to watch her grandkids play whatever sport was in season. She never raised her voice, at least not that I remember. But she missed my grandpa, who passed away 8 years ago. I'm glad that they are finally together again. They were married for 50 years. What a legacy to pass on!

Anyway, I didn't get to see her as often as I would have liked. I did go with the kids this summer, so at least they have a fuzzy memory of her. I got pics of Colby snuggling with her. Couldn't get Bennett to sit that still. He helped her water her plants outside though. I'm sure he loved it. So we had to drive up to Illinois. It was a 14 hour drive, one way. (Too much fast food.) Couldn't fly. Don't have the money. Got to see all my aunts and uncles. All my cousins. Including Kelly and Ian, whom I haven't seen in seven and six years, respectively. That part was great! But I miss Grandma. Looking at her at the visitation nearly tore my heart out. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest and wouldn't get up. I feel like I won't be me again, without her. But I know she's looking at me from heaven. Looking after me. That's just the kind of grandma she was.

We miss you, Grandma. We love you!


Sayre said...

Oh, Mama C - I'm so sorry about your grandma. And so glad you got to go see her before this happened.

I know how you feel about your kids knowing her. My grandmother died when my son was almost 2. He did remember her for a while, but he's starting to lose her now. She was one of those people who shied away from the camera, so there aren't many pictures. So sad. Grandmas are such special ladies.

Don't worry about OLTA - even your fat is so much smaller than mine. Some days I feel like my ASS weighs 163! But the rest of me is light as a feather!

quinn said...

so sorry about your loss...It is never ever easy to lose those we love but you MUST believe she is with you and your family. You need not worry about this challenge at this time. Your comfort is much more important at this time. Take it easy and get lots of rest and talk as much about her as you need to do and remember memories.

Oh, The Joys said...

So sorry to hear about your Grandmother.

On the OLTA front, I started weight watchers at 163 three months ago... have lost 15 pounds. It was hard, but it worked... (though I haven't had any thing good to eat the entire time, but that is a technicality right?)

Anna said...

So sorry to hear about your grandma.

I've put on weight too, so don't worry about it!

Nikki said...

I'm so sorry about your grandma!!!!

and don't give OTLA another thought - especially since I've gained weight too!

Gingers Mom said...

I'm sorry for your loss. My grandma passed away a few years ago and even though she was very old the loss was great. Hugs!!

163 sounds good to me! I need to start getting rid of my baby weight too. It is so hard.