Friday, September 29, 2006

I Have a Thinking Problem

What to think, what to think. We had dinner with Pastor R, hubs' mentor. The mentors are seeminly randomly assigned. It happens that Pastor R happens to be the pastor of the church where my mom and her, um, "best friend" go to church. (The "best friend" is a whole different post. I'll go into it later.) She also knows hubs' parents, as they are active in the South Carolina UMC. How fun. She had already met my children also, as they go to church with Nanas sometimes. I was basically the only member of the family she DIDN'T know. Of course, we had to remedy that.

I've had problems with the idea of Pastor R for a while now. She's tried to convince hubs that he should move to Atlanta to go to the "official" Methodist seminary there. She's also told him to really make an effort to balance ministry and family. (Then came the push to move himself to Atl. Is the woman a study in contrasts?) She's also habitually late. For everything. Whenever hubs is supposed to meet with her, she ends up changing the date/time at least once. She's usually then late to the changed date/time. So of course, tonight, she was almost 30 minutes late. We had the kids. In a restaurant. Trying to keep them occupied. It was not pretty. My boys don't do the sit still thing. At all. Sheesh!

So Pastor R finally shows up, and she wants to ask me all the questions: What is the thing that makes you most excited about this new direction? What makes you most nervous? What makes you most excited for your children? What makes you most nervous for them? What would you do if you get assigned to Podunk, SC? What will you do about a job? What will you do if the local schools are sub-par? (We DO live in South Carolina, which is next to last in the nation in school stuff. Thanks for taking last place Mississippi!)

Ummm, what the hell?! What makes me nervous? Moving. Starting over. Making new friends. Being away from my family (mom, sis, etc.). Being a pastor's wife. Playing church politics. The all to real chance that I'll never have a REAL friend again, because they'll be too scared of the whole pastor's wife label. That my kids will grow up shunned and labelled. That they'll never feel good enough, smart enough. That they will inherit their mom's shyness.

Am I excited about this journey? F*CK NO! I don't want to leave behind everything I know! Oh no. Can't say that! That would be the wrong answer, and would make Pastor R think that I'm not 100% behind the hubs. Then she'd write it in some report, and they'd blackball him from the process. So I have some misgivings. Who doesn't, when changing a life completely? And what would she know anyway? She's not married, no kids, nothing. She has no idea what I'm going to face. All she knows is what she's read in articles, or heard secondhand. Please. Could they get us a mentor who at least has been where we are? And one who can tell time?

Enough! I'm going to go do some mindless reading. It's called Specials. It's by
Scott Westerfeld. He's good. My students like it, and now I'm hooked. I don't usually like this kind of scifi-ish book. But these are good. Really good. See you!

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